


Sebastian's Life

by jamesgatz1925



Series: Sebastian Barba [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Family, Fluff, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2018-12-26 04:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12051219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesgatz1925/pseuds/jamesgatz1925
Summary: A lot of readers liked my Sebastian AU's, these are just short stories about him and Barisi's life with him.





	1. Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence (not against Sebastian)

On the now rare nights when Sonny and Rafael are both working--because at least one tries very hard to be home for Sebastian each night--Sebastian likes to spend time at a friend's house. He's thirteen now and much too old to be hanging out with Abuela or Grandma. There is one friend, Jack, who Sebastian spends the nights with most of the time.

Jack lives three buildings down from the Barba-Carisi house and Sonny and Rafael have gotten to know Jack very well. He's a very nice kid with a single mother named Erica who cares for Sebastian when he is with her. They trust her with Sebastian, which is the most important thing, and they know he's safe with her.

Every once in a while, Sebastian mentions Erica having a new boyfriend. Sebastian says the boyfriends aren't around much when he spends the night with them, which Sonny and Rafael appreciate from Erica. They don't like the idea of strangers being around Sebastian, but Erica is trustworthy and never puts Sebastian in danger.

Sebastian does mention one man who he and Jack do not like.

"I can't explain it Dad," Sebastian tells Sonny one morning after staying with Jack. "We just don't like this guy very much."

Sebastian says Sonny doesn't need to call Erica to keep the man away from Sebastian, that Sebastian will let him know if there's ever a problem with the man.

A few months go by and the afternoons Sebastian spends at Jack's house are spent with the man, too. Sonny and Rafael don't like it very much, but Sebastian hasn't said the man has done anything wrong, so they let it slide. Sebastian hasn't had to spend the night anyway.

One night comes when he does have to spend the night. Rafael is busy working late in his office and Sonny is working on a case at the precinct when a call comes in for a domestic violence dispute.

"I'll take it," Sonny mutters, getting up from his seat and grabbing his coat.

Benson tells him the address. Sonny instantly recognizes it. His stomach drops.

"What?" he asks, not believing it.

Benson repeats the address. "Vic's name is Erica Dominguez--"

"Fuck!" Sonny yells, quickly grabbing his phone and yanking his coat on. He wastes no time rushing to the elevator.

"Carisi?" Benson calls after him.

Rollins gets up to follow him. "Carisi, what's going on?"

"That's Seb's friend's mom. Seb's there now!"

"Oh, shit," is all Rollins says before they get on the elevator.

* * *

 

Rollins speeds to the building, lights on and siren blaring. Sonny is appreciative; he spends the short ride calling Rafael and telling him they just got a call for Erica, that he hasn't gotten details yet but he's on his way there.

When they arrive, there is an ambulance and a few cop cars on the street. Sonny jumps out of the car before Rollins even has it in park. He flashes his badge at an officer waving him down.

"Detective, thanks for getting here so fast," the random cop says, "Vic says--"

"Tell my partner," Sonny mumbles as he looks passed the officer in search of Sebastian.

"Wh--"

"Daddy!" he hears being screamed from an ambulance.

Sebastian sitting in an ambulance makes Sonny's stomach turn. If Sebastian is hurt he might actually kill someone--

Sonny runs to the ambulance and is so relieved to see Sebastian and Jack just sitting at the edge of one. An EMT is trying to examine them, but Sonny notices no signs of assault on his son.

As soon as he gets to Sebastian, Sebastian jumps at him. Even though he's too tall for Sonny to hold, Sonny lifts the boy into his arms. Sebastian's arms wrap tight around Sonny's neck and Sonny soothes him by rubbing Sebastian's back.

Sonny takes a second to close his eyes and thank God that Sebastian is physically unharmed, then he opens his eyes and realizes nobody is here to comfort Jack. Sonny takes one arm off Sebastian and holds it out for Jack to slide into, and he holds Jack just as close as he's holding Sebastian.

"You're okay," Sonny tells the boys, "You're safe now, I'm here."

Sonny holds the scared boys for long minutes before Rollins finds them. She pats Sebastian's back.

"You boys okay?"

Sebastian nods against Sonny's shoulder.

"Hey, Rollins, this is Jack. Jack, this is Detective Rollins. She and I are gonna take care of you, alright?"

Jack nods.

"Can I ask them a few questions?" Rollins asks.

Sonny carefully lets Sebastian down, but instead of sitting the boys on the back of the scary ambulance, Sonny leads them to the car he and Rollins brought, then lets them sit comfortably on the trunk.

"So, can you guys tell me what happened?" Rollins asks as nicely as she can.

The boys stare at their feet, clearly scared to say anything.

Sonny reaches over and takes Sebastian's hand. "You can tell us, buddy."

The boys tell them the events of the evening: the boyfriend showed up, had a few drinks, got mad at Erica for god knows what (they were playing in Jack's room and couldn't hear the beginning of the argument), they started yelling, Jack and Sebastian turned the sound on Jack's music speaker higher, then Erica started screaming so they carefully exited the room. That's when they saw the boyfriend hitting Erica repeatedly in the face, then kicking her when she fell down. Jack, of course, started freaking out, so Sebastian called the police.

"That was so brave of you, pal," Sonny tells him, "I'm so proud of you."

Jack bursts into tears suddenly. He holds his hands over his face and cries. "I'm s-sorry," he stutters out, "I'm so sorry!"

"Hey, what for?" Sonny asks, wrapping an arm around Jack.

"This is all my fault!"

"No way," Sonny says almost sternly. "No, nothing is your fault, none of this. Absolutely none. I'm so glad you two are okay."

Sonny hugs Jack and reaches around him to pull Sebastian into their hug, too. Sonny holds them close again as they both cry, both still very scared.

Rafael finally arrives. He runs to them, still sitting on the back of the car, and yanks Sebastian into his arms the same way Sonny had. He looks so upset and scared too, looking at Sonny for answers. Sonny mouths, "They're alright," and Rafael takes a visible, relieved breath.

They pile into the car Rafael brought and take Jack to the hospital. With both men obviously off the case, they act as concerned family friends instead of cop and lawyer. Still, when they arrive and Erica is awake, they tell her everything that could happen with the case, from having to go to court to what will happen if the man pleads guilty.

"He has two witnesses," Rafael tells her, "But they're children, so his lawyer could advise him to plead not guilty."

The thought of putting Sebastian on the stand scares the crap out of Sonny. Instead of saying anything about his concern now, he just holds Sebastian close and kisses his head.

After a while, they leave Erica to rest, and they take Jack home with them. Rafael gets Jack a set of Sebastian's pajamas, and the boys take showers before bed.

With both boys obviously too scared to sleep alone, Sonny takes an air mattress out of the junk closet and inflates it while Rafael feeds the boys a midnight snack. He sets the bed up on their floor, right next to Sonny's side of the bed, and piles it with the fluffiest blankets in their house.

When the boys are finished eating, they're surprised by the makeshift bed on the floor.

"We can sleep in here?" Sebastian asks, sounding somewhat happy for the first time all night.

"Of course," Sebastian says. "Dad and I want you guys close to us."

He notices Rafael give him an appreciative smile.

"Alright, teeth brushed and bed," Rafael announces.

The boys comply. Sebastian returns to their bedroom with two stuffed bears under his arm. He hands one over to Jack.

"Here. I secretly still sleep with these when I'm upset. You can have one for tonight."

It warms Sonny's heart. He knows Sebastian is very private about sleeping with his bears because he thinks he's too old for the security of the toys, so it's amazing to Sonny to see his son opening up about it.

Jack takes the bear and snuggles into the bed with it. Sonny and Rafael take their time kissing Sebastian over and over before letting him down onto the blow-up bed with Jack and shutting the light off to go to sleep themselves.

Sonny falls asleep quickly because his day was long before all of this, and he's asleep for what seems like hours before he hears, "Dad?" right next to his face.

He jumps up with a gasp. "What? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Sebastian answers. "We just can't sleep. Can we watch a movie?"

"Yeah," Sonny instantly says, wanting to make the boys as comfortable as possible. He rubs sleep out of his eyes and turns on his bed side's lamp. Checking his phone, he finds that he was asleep for only half an hour. Then, he opens the bedside drawer and takes out the television remote there, handing it over to Sebastian.

Sebastian opens Netflix and picks a cartoon he loves. Sonny lays back and tries to stay awake to keep an eye on the boys, but his eyes drift shut before the end of the first song in the movie.

When Sonny wakes up later to the sound of his phone beeping, the Netflix screen is still up, but the boys are asleep. He picks up his phone to end the beeping and finds a text from Rollins informing him the man was arrested and they were taking him in to the station. Sonny replies a quick thanks, then closes his eyes again and drifts back to sleep, thankful beyond words that his son and his friend are safe under their roof.


	2. Monsters

"Okay, mi amor," Rafael says, sitting on the edge of the little bed and smoothing the green comforter over the little boy resting underneath. "Song or story?" he happily asks as he follows Sebastian's nightly routine.

"Wait," Sebastian says suddenly, "Check for monsters."

Rafael sighs, wishing this monster thing would end. Sebastian saw a commercial for a scary movie about three months ago, and every night since it's been, "Check for monsters. Turn on my nightlight. Leave the door open a little bit so you can hear me if a monster comes after you leave."

About a week into the monster obsession, Rafael decided to put on Monsters Inc., but it had a negative affect. The cartoon made him possibly more weary of things hiding in the dark.

Rafael gets up anyway. "Okay," he starts, noncommittally. "Where should I begin?"

Sebastian looks at him with giant, worried green eyes. "I want Sonny to do it."

Rafael is taken aback for a moment, and almost offended. Sonny has been living here for six months, and he's taken on a few responsibilities with Sebastian, but their nightly routines is Rafael's thing. Sonny's never been involved in monster catching or the song to make Sebastian sleep afterwards.

But, if that's what Sebastian wants. After the initial jealousy disappears, Rafael realizes its sweet that Sebastian is asking for Sonny to protect him.

Rafael asks anyway, "Why do you want Sonny to do it?"

"'Cause he's a police officer, Daddy. He'll scare away all the bad guys."

Rafael smiles. "Okay, I'll go get him."

Rafael exits the room and returns to the living room where Sonny is waiting for him to finish bad television they've become addicted to.

"Done already?" Sonny asks. "That was fast--"

"Actually, he wants you to check for monsters."

Sonny's eyes grow comically wide. "Me?"

"You're apparently more scary to monsters than I am."

Sonny quickly stands, and Rafael laughs because he looks nervous. He walks up to Sebastian's door and pauses on the outside, taking a deep breath.

"Sonny," Rafael says, "Relax, this isn't an audition or something."

"I know, but..." Sonny cracks a tiny smile and his eyes sparkle with joy. "He wants me to do it."

Rafael's own smile grows. He knows how badly Sonny has wanted to bond with Sebastian over the past few months. It started simple, with things like Sonny making his sandwich for lunch or Sonny being trusted not to burn the dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner. Then it grew to Sonny giving him a bath or Sonny walking him to school. But Sonny hadn't been invited into the nightly routine between father and son; Rafael sings a song, Rafael reads a story. Rafael kisses Sebastian's head and Sebastian's cheek and Sebastian's little nose and whispers sweet dreams and a quick prayer before exiting the room and joining Sonny again.

But tonight, Sebastian has invited Sonny in, and Rafael knows how huge this must be for Sonny, to be let in to their final family-only activity.

So Sonny takes another deep breath and slowly enters Sebastian's room. Rafael stays in the doorway to watch.

"Hey buddy," he softly says. "What's up?"

Sebastian's little finger pops out from under the blankets and he moves it to indicate Sonny to come to him. Sonny goes immediately, dropping in front of the bed on his knees so he is closer to Sebastian.

Rafael can't hear it perfectly, as Sebastian asks in a whisper, but he's sure Sebastian asks, "Will you protect me from monsters?"

To which Sonny immediately, without even a second of contemplative thought, replies, "Yes. Of course."

"Will you make sure there aren't any in here right now?"

"Absolutely," Sonny says, pushing away from the bed and getting down to look underneath.

"Wait," Sebastian stops him. "Use this."

He dives under the blankets and returns holding a flashlight shaped like a cow. When you squeeze its tail, the mouth opens and the light comes out of it.

Sonny, big bad cop Sonny, using a cow flashlight to search for fake monsters is just about the cutest thing Rafael has ever seen. He holds back laughter as Sonny drops onto all fours again and uses the cow to search under the bed.

"What's down there?" Sebastian tentatively asks, peeking over the side of the bed.

Sonny wiggles under, reaching for something. "Looks like..." Sonny pops out holding a few Hot Wheels cars. "Looks likes parkin' lot down there."

"Hey, I've been lookin' for those!" Sebastian cries, taking the handful of cars and tossing them under his blankets, along with the collection of god knows what else. Rafael doesn't look under the blankets, but they're lumpy with more than just a little body.

Sonny kneels next to his head again. "Where to next?"

"Mmmm...." Sebastian looks around his bedroom. His eyes lock on the door at the other side. "Closet."

Sonny rushes to the closet, throws the door open theatrically, and uses the flashlight to examine the darkness.

"Anything?" Sebastian asks, weary, his blankets tugged all the way up to his eyes.

Sonny pushes a few hanging clothes over. "Nope, nothin'."

Rafael has half the mind to stop this wild goose chase before it gets too late, Sebastian needs to go to sleep. But the other half is his heart telling him that this is way too cute to stop.

Sonny's gotten used to the kid things since moving in; he is used to eating macaroni and cheese or dinosaur chicken nuggets. He is used to the television being controlled by Sebastian, watching Moana eight-hundred times and Paw Patrol over coffee every morning.

Sonny usually says, "It's alright, my sister's got kids." or, "I've got nieces and nephews, Rafi, it's okay."

But this is not something Sonny would associate with his nieces and nephews. This is a paternal activity, this is Sebastian welcoming Sonny into their home and their family.

Rafael is falling impossibly more in love with Sonny. Every time Sonny does something nearly fatherly for Sebastian, Rafael falls more in love. Every time Sebastian gives Sonny a giant hug, Rafael falls even more in love.

Next, Sonny examines every drawer in Sebastian's dresser and every basket on his toy shelf, which are all full of Hot Wheels, Legos, or smaller stuffed animals.

Sonny digs in the basket of animals and yanks out a plush puppy. He gasps, pointing the flashlight at the puppy. "Is this a monster?"

Sebastian laughs. "No!"

Sonny drops the puppy and grabs a Mickey Mouse. "Is this a monster?!"

Sebastian laughs harder. "That's Mickey!"

Sonny shines the light right in Mickey's face. "I'm onto you, Mickey."

Sonny checks for monsters between the books on Sebastian's bookshelf, and finally makes it back to Sebastian's bed.

"So," Sonny asks, "You good? Ready to go to sleep now?"

Sebastian nods with a huge smile on his face. He opens his arms and Sonny leans over him to give Sebastian a hug. Rafael sees Sebastian kiss Sonny's cheek.

"Good night Sonny," Sebastian says. "I love you."

Rafael can tell Sonny is trying so hard not to jump for joy. He just gives a tiny smile. "I love you too, buddy. Goodnight."

Rafael steps forward as Sonny steps away from the bed. "Song now, baby?"

Sebastian tucks into his bed. "I'm okay, Daddy. Goodnight."

Sonny pats his belly as he walks past and now shows his giant grin. Rafael chuckles. "Okay baby, I love you."

"Te quiero, Papi."

Rafael follows Sonny out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Sonny is almost jumping with glee. "Rafi!"

Rafael wraps his arms around Sonny's waist. "Our big, strong monster catcher."

Sonny kisses him soundly. "I love you so much. I love you both so, so much."

Rafael kisses back. "We love you, too."

For the rest of the night, Sonny is on cloud nine, and Rafael feels just as happy with him.


	3. Face Mask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is about 15.

Sebastian going through what Sonny would consider the most difficult time in a person's life may actually kill Sonny to see. There are bullies, heartbreaks, horrible teachers in useless classes, and to top it all off, Sebastian has skin problems.

It's not as bad as Sebastian believes it is. His skin isn't red or blotchy, unlike the way Sonny's own breakouts were as a teen--probably because Sebastian has Rafael's beautiful tan skin, that counts for something.

Sebastian thinks the world is ending every time he looks in the mirror, but Sonny and Rafael try to convince him that this is normal, every kid goes through this. Sebastian is quick to point out the kids who, in fact, have perfect skin.

Sonny does research. He looks up home remedies for clearing up skin, like face masks and diet change, then makes a plan to buy any face wash Sebastian may want to try.

"You don't have to do this," Rafael says as he watches Sonny mix a homemade face mask. "We'll buy him Proactive or something."

Sonny sets the bowl down. "Look, you've seen my high school pictures, right? I was miserable. I was just...and my parents didn't do anything about. They said I'd get over it. They bought my sisters makeup and whatever they needed to make their faces perfect, but me...and what could you do then, huh? Boys weren't running out and buying foundation back then. I was so unhappy and I don't want my kid to be unhappy if there's something I can do about it."

"So you're saying we should buy him makeup?" Rafael jokes.

"If he wants makeup, he's getting makeup, Rafi. When have I ever said no to something he wants?"

"Yeah, I still haven't forgiven you for immediately replacing the X-Box he broke a few years ago."

Sonny half smiles and jokes, "Sorry I just love our son and want him to be happy, Rafi."

Rafael rolls his eyes, but there's a smile behind it. "Alright, then thank you for putting in this effort. I'd love to stay to help, but I have to run to the office. Sebastian should be home any minute."

"Mmmkay," Sonny replies, reaching for the bowl again.

He is not prepared for Rafael gripping the hair on the back of his head, yanking him forward, and sticking his tongue down his throat.

"Mmm?" Sonny groans in pleasurable surprise.

Rafael finishes kissing him with a smack. "Thank you," he whispers against Sonny's lips.

"I just want him to be happy."

"I know," Rafael says, pecking at Sonny's lips over and over.

Before they can take their kisses any further, Sonny suddenly hears Sebastian clear his throat. This causes the men to part and look at him.

"Please stop," is all Sebastian says.

Sonny and Rafael laugh.

"Okay," Rafael announces. "You two have fun."

Sonny kisses him one last time before Rafael moves to kiss Sebastian, then exit the apartment.

Sebastian steps up to Sonny once Rafael is gone. "What's that?" he asks.

"So," Sonny starts, stirring the last of the ingredients into the thick brown sludge. "I found this homemade face mask recipe and--"

"Yeah, I'm not putting that on my face."

"Come on, it's just oatmeal and stuff."

Sebastian still makes a disgusted face.

"I'll do it, too," Sonny offers.

Sebastian looks at him, still unconvinced. "You don't have to, your skin is, like, perfect."

Sonny shrugs. "Everyone needs a clean face. Now, come on."

Sonny tells Sebastian to change into comfortable clothes, and when he returns he's wearing sweatpants and an old baseball t-shirt. Sonny can't help kissing his head, because probably not purposefully, Sebastian put on the exact same thing Sonny is wearing.

The men get to work. Sonny takes a scoop of the mixture on his fingers and spreads it across one of Sebastian's cheeks. Sebastian squirms at the feeling, then takes his own scoop and paints Sonny's face with it.

Soon, both of their faces are covered in the oatmeal concoction, so they settle on the couch to watch television, deciding to watch the Mets game while Rafael is out and can't complain about having to watch baseball.

Long minutes pass. Sonny asks Sebastian about his day, and at first Sebastian says nothing entertaining happened. However, a second of silence later, Sebastian begins telling Sonny everything that happened. Some kid did this, another did that, someone got detention, everything he learned, and that a girl named Jenna smiled at him during lunch.

"Who's Jenna?" Sonny teases, the only thing he asks about during Sebastian's long story.

Sebastian rolls his eyes and looks just like Rafael while doing so.

Sonny playfully shoves him. Sebastian just hides his eyes.

Finally, they decide to wash the mask off. Sebastian examines his face in the mirror while frowning.

"What?" Sonny asks.

Sebastian shrugs.

"Well, it's not going to clear up instantly, son. Give it time. Wash regularly, remember. I'm going to get you a great scrub and you can even take some to school to use after you're all sweaty in P.E. Don't worry, okay?"

Sebastian nods. He takes one more look at himself, then moves to exit the bathroom.

Sebastian gets to the door and pauses. "Hey, Dad?" he says.

"Yeah, Buddy?"

"Thanks."

Sonny smiles. "No problem."

Sonny takes a second to feel pride in himself before he follows Sebastian out of the bathroom to make dinner before Rafael gets home. He makes Sebastian help, of course, and the rest of the evening is wonderful.


	4. Car Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went from Sebastian hanging out with his cousin to sexism to baby names. Not sure how. Hope it's okay anyway. Next there will be a Sebastian and Rafael centered story.
> 
> Sebastian is about 11.

Carisi family gatherings are never complete without sports playing on television. During the summer it's baseball, on Sunday's it's football, and in the winter it's hockey. Usually it's the New York Mets, the New York Giants, and the New York Islanders. Those are Papa Dom's teams, and Sebastian is glad he doesn't have to fight for the remote like he does against Rafael.

Today, the Mets are playing the Dodgers, who are Sebastian's cousin Alexis' favorite team. The Yankees, he can handle, because at least they're still New York. The Red Sox, fine. Hell, he'll even take the random San Diego Padres, but the Dodgers? No way.

"I still can't believe you sold your soul for the Dodgers," Sebastian teases Alexis, who is two months older than him so they get along better than anyone else.

"Hey, they used to be from Brooklyn, at least. What happened to your 'as long as its New York' rule?"

"They were Brooklyn, like, a million years ago. That's no excuse."

Sebastian and Alexis are very into the game, placing friendly bets and talking crap to each other. It's all playful, nobody gets offended, and they've only physically fought over baseball once (they were both seven and Alexis said she hated the Mets).

It's barely the fifth inning and the game is still at zero, so they have a while of baseball left, when their Papa enters the room spinning car keys in his hand.

"Alright, Sebby, ready?"

Sebastian looks up at him confused. "Ready for what?"

"To run to the auto store with me. I thought you were gonna help me with the 'Stang today."

Sebastian's heart sinks. He enjoys spending time with his grandfather, sure, but he has absolutely no interest in fixing up his old Mustang. Sebastian doesn't know a thing about cars and has no desire to learn about them.

"I'll go, Papa!" Alexis cries.

Alexis is the one who wants to learn how to fix the car. Alexis is the one who loves getting dirty and working. Sebastian plays sports, but even then he hates getting dirty. Alexis would make mud pies all day if she could. When she plays softball, she slides and dives in the dirt for fun.

Dominick Sr. pats her head. "No, sweetie, you stay here. I think Grammy's gonna make a cake later, maybe you can help her. Come on, Seb."

Sebastian's shoulders drop in disappointment as he follows his grandpa out of the room.

Sebastian is silent the entire time they're at the store, silent the entire ride to and from, and doesn't even ask for a treat when they stop for gas like he usually would. He is just so upset with having to go to the store and work with his grandpa instead of play with his cousins.

He tried to tell Rafael once that he didn't want to do work with Sonny's dad. Rafael told him Dominick Sr. just wanted to spend time with him, to bond, and work was the way of doing so. Sebastian figured he'd better just suck it up.

But now, today, he doesn't want to suck it up anymore, especially when Alexis would clearly rather be in his position. It's just frustrating to Sebastian that his grandpa makes Alexis stay with the mom's to do whatever they do instead of work in the garage. It's not fair that Papa doesn't give them a choice.

Sebastian slowly realizes that their grandpa makes him do the car stuff because he's the boy, and he makes Alexis do the inside stuff with the mom's because she's a girl.

Sonny and Bella had left the kids at the house with their grandparents, so when they get back Sonny enters the garage to see Sebastian. He kisses Sebastian's sweaty head and hugs him.

"Are you having fun with Papa?" he asks Sebastian.

Sebastian looks up at him pleasingly. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Sonny looks confused. "Uh, sure. Come on."

They exit the garage to have privacy on the front lawn, then Sonny asks what's wrong.

"I don't want to work on the car, Dad. It's boring and I don't care."

"Well, son," Sonny says, "Papa just wants to spend--"

"I know he wants to spend time with me, but..." Sebastian sighs, frustrated. "I don't know. Alexis would rather be out here doing the car stuff but Papa makes me do it. I feel like he makes me do it 'cause I'm a boy and he doesn't want Alexis to do it 'cause she's a girl."

Sonny snorts. "What? That's crazy."

Sebastian frowns.

Sonny grasps his shoulder. "Listen, I'll talk to him, okay?"

Sebastian nods, accepting that that's all that can happen for now.

Sonny tells Sebastian to go inside for some water, so Sebastian leaves his dad and grandpa in the garage.  
\-----

"Hey, Dad," Sonny says as soon as Sebastian shuts the door. "Can I ask you something?"

Dominick Sr. approaches Sonny while wiping his hands on a rag. "What is it, Son?"

"How come you always want Sebastian out here doin' this stuff with you?"

Dominick Sr. shrugs. "He likes it."

Sonny crosses his arms comfortably. "See, no he doesn't, Dad."

"He's never expressed that to me."

"He's a good boy, Dad, he's gonna do whatever he's told to do. Listen, he says Alexis would rather do this car stuff."

Dominick Sr. snorts. "A garage is no place for a young lady."

He steps past Sonny while Sonny calculates what he just said. He realizes growing up, it was always him who did the outside things, too. He worked on the cars while his sisters got to go grocery shopping with their mom. He had to shovel the driveway while his sisters got to make hot chocolate. He had to paint the outside of the house one summer while his sisters got to go to the pool.

Sonny remembers being so jealous and so unhappy, and now he's pushing that onto his son. He and Rafael told Sebastian to suck it up, that Papa just wants to spend time with him, but it's fucked up that Sebastian has no desire to.

"That's sexist, Dad," Sonny says suddenly.

Dominick Sr. scoffs. "Sexist? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Making the boy do the dirty work is sexist, Dad. Saying a garage is no place for a girl is so sexist. What kind of message are you sending to Alexis and the other girls? That they're not tough enough to be outside? That they're not smart enough to work machinery?"

"Don't tell me I don't think my granddaughters are smart, Dominick."

Sonny knows he's crossed a line when his dad uses his first name, but he continues anyway.

"I'm just saying it'd be nice for you to show 'em they're worthy of your time, too. Especially when Alexis has a real interest in this stuff and my son couldn't give a rat's ass."

Dominick Sr. sighs. "Fine, I guess you're right. But what am I supposed to do with Sebastian now?"

"Literally anything else, Dad. It's not hard to find your grandkids' interests."

Dominick Sr. nods. "Alright, fine."

"And Dad, if Alexis is good at this stuff, don't say she's good at it 'for a girl'."

"Alright Sonny, I get it."

Sonny follows Dominick Sr. into the house where all the grandkids are in the kitchen making their own cookies. Sebastian doesn't have a bowl or ingredients set out in front of him, and Sonny knows it's because he expects to go outside again.

"Alexis, come here," Dominick Sr. calls out.

Alexis quickly approaches. "Yeah, Pap?"

Sonny can tell Dominick Sr. doesn't know how to approach the subject, and Sonny wishes he can just tell his dad to ask Alexis if she wants to go outside, to give her the choice.

Luckily, Dominick Sr. comes to that on his own.

"Do you want to go outside? Help me with the 'Stang?"

Alexis' eyes light up. "Really, Pap? I'd love to!"

She shows more enthusiasm than Sebastian ever has, and Dominick Sr. slowly smiles at her. She clasps her shoulder and leads her outside.

Sebastian quickly takes over Alexis' bowl of snickerdoodle dough. He looks so happy, and Deb looks so happy to have Sebastian with her. She hugs the boy and kisses his head, and Sonny is glad his son looks so happy.  
\-----

Sebastian and Sonny climb into the car to go home to Rafael. Sebastian has a bag of assorted cookies on his lap, proud that he helped make them. He's rarely gotten to make cookies, hardly gets to hang out with his grandma, but he's so happy that he finally got to. He loves baking and cooking. He doesn't mind helping his Papa out, and he will help if asked, he just didn't like not having a choice and that he only had to do it because he is a boy.

"Hey Dad, thanks for talking to Papa."

"Yeah, no problem, son. Thanks for letting me know what's bothering you. I'm glad I could talk to Papa about it and hopefully he'll listen."

Sebastian agrees. "He said maybe we can go to a game next week, me, him, and Alexis. Wouldn't that be fun, Dad?"

Sonny nods. "That sounds great, pal."

Sebastian proudly present Rafael with the offered food when they get home, and Rafael immediately grabs a snickerdoodle.

"Mmm," Rafael sighs as soon as he takes a bite. "These are delicious. Who made them?"

"I did!" Sebastian exclaims. "I got to bake with Grammy today!"

"You did?" Rafael asks, sounding just as excited. "I thought you were going to help Papa."

"I was, but I didn't want to, so Dad talked to him and Alexis got to. Isn't that great, Dad? I don't have to work on the car anymore if I don't want to!"

"Hey, if Papa asks for help, you help," Sonny tells him.

"I know, but now he hopefully won't make me go to the car store!"

Sebastian is just too happy about the day he had. He puts the cookies away and goes to his room to play.  
\---

As soon as Sebastian is out of the room, Rafael turns to Sonny. "So, what happened?"

"Well," Sonny tells the story, "My dad said some sexist things, so I told him Sebastian doesn't have to do the car if he doesn't want to, and to give Alexis a try because she has interest in it. He agreed, finally, and hopefully this will change the way my dad sees and does things. I remember him makin' me do things I didn't want to do while the girls got to have fun. I don't want Sebastian pushed into gender stereotypes and roles."

"I agree," Rafael says. "Thanks for standing up to your dad for him."

Sonny nods. "Of course. He was so happy to bake with my mom today."

"I can tell. And these are amazing!" Rafael grabs another cookie.

Sonny just smiles. "Wish you could've gone, though."

"I know. How was Bella's appointment?"

"Oh, it was great. I know she wants to announce it herself, but the baby's a girl. Isn't that exciting?"

"That's wonderful! What's next, an 'E' name?"

"Alexis, Bella's 'B', Cassidy, Daisy, and I think she said Emory or Evelyn."

"I like it."

"What would we name one if we had another?" Sonny asks curiously, just thinking out loud. "I didn't pick Sebastian, even though I love his name."

Rafael shrugs. "Dominick the third?"

Sonny grins with pride. "Really?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Lets change Sebastian's name."

"You just said you love his name."

Sonny laughs. "I'm kidding. I appreciate the thought, though."

Rafael kisses his cheek. "I'm glad I already have my Dominick Jr., though."

Sonny kisses his lips. "Me too."

 


	5. Max

Although Sebastian is not a "popular kid", he does have a steady group of friends that he spends most of his time with. He always has plans, is never dateless to a dance, and he always has supporters at his baseball games. Likewise, Sebastian always has events to attend to support his friends.

At the beginning of his junior year, this year, he made a new friend named Max, a senior. As far as best friends go, Max is pretty wonderful. He is kind and respectful, which Sonny and Rafael love having in their home, he is smart like Sebastian, as talented in music as Sebastian is in baseball, and they know Sebastian loves him as a brother. They couldn't have chosen a better friend for Sebastian themselves.

Rafael and Sonny are pretty sure Max is gay.

Which is absolutely fine, of course. There is no problem with Sebastian having a gay friend, of course. In fact, it's wonderful that Sebastian does have a diverse range of friends, and he seems to be the kind of person to seek out unique people to make them feel at home. He always has, Rafael and Sonny pride themselves on that.

And then they begin to suspect that Sebastian and Max are more than friends. Which would be fine, wonderful in fact, as long as Sebastian is safe and happy.

"I want him to be educated," Sonny says as they discuss the boys one evening. "My first boyfriend was when I was junior. And I had no clue what anything sexual was, and one night he tried to, y'know..."

Rafael listens wondering if he needs to press charges against someone Sonny dated twenty years ago. He will.

"Anyway, he didn't...I didn't know..." Sonny awkwardly plays with Rafael's hand while Rafael swallows down a ball of rage. "I just want Sebastian to know, y'know? I don't want him to get hurt. Or to hurt someone else."

Rafael pulls Sonny to his chest. "We'll talk to him when he gets home, okay?"

They cuddle on the couch and try not to let Sonny's confession linger over them. Rafael kisses his head over and over, and finally Sebastian arrives home to lighten up their evening.

"Hey guys!" he cheerily says, opening the refrigerator because of course he's hungry.

Sebastian grabs a yogurt cup and goes back to the living room. Sonny sits up, but Rafael takes a look at him and sees he's still a bit shaken from their discussion.

"Geez, is this what you guys do without me? What a lively Friday night."

"What did you do?" Rafael asks.

"Max and I went to a movie."

"Just you two?"

"Yeah. It was fun. We had dinner before, but we still shared popcorn."

Rafael glances at Sonny, who has the same concerned look, so Rafael sits up straighter on the couch and pats the coffee table in front of them.

"Come talk to us, cariño."

Sebastian slowly steps over and sits down. "What's going on?"

Rafael starts. "Look, uhm..." He glances at Sonny.

Sonny blurts out, "Are you and Max going out?"

"What?!"

"If you are," Rafael adds, "It's okay, Sebastian. We want you to be happy."

"Wh--I'm not--we're not--oh my god--" Sebastian covers his face in embarrassment.

"It's okay," Sonny says, patting his knee.

"I'm not going out with Max," Sebastian says through his hands.

Rafael, for some reason, decides they need a joke, so he says, "Dios mio, are you straight?"

Sebastian drops his hands to glare at Rafael. Rafael chuckles, but nobody else is laughing.

"Alright, anyway," Rafael says. "If you're not going out with Max--"

"I'm not going out with Max."

Sonny pats his knee again. "We just want you to be safe if you're ever with a man."

"I'm not planning on being with a man."

"Okay, but if--"

"Dads, I know what sex is, okay? I'm not stupid."

"We're not saying you're stupid."

"Then just trust me, okay?" Sebastian says. "And I'm not going out with Max. Max isn't even..."

Rafael narrows his eyes at Sebastian. "Are you sure?"

"Oh my god."

Sonny holds up his hands to stop Rafael and Sebastian. "Okay, look. We just wanted to know. You can talk to us, okay? You don't have to keep anything from us. We love you and we want you to be safe."

"I know. And don't worry about it, okay? I'm not having sex with anyone. And I'll be careful when I do."

"That's all we hope for," Sonny tells him.

Rafael adds, "And we hope you can be a good friend to..."

Sebastian raises an eyebrow, a classic Rafael look.

"...whoever you know who may come out."

Sebastian nods. "I know how to be a decent human being, Dad."

After making the evening awkward enough, Sonny and Rafael settle back into the couch and Sebastian drapes over the arm chair to watch late night television, not bringing up their conversation again.

* * *

Weeks pass, and thankfully their conversation didn't make anything change between Sebastian and Max. Max is at their house almost every afternoon, or Sebastian is at his, and Max stays over almost every weekend.

One weekend comes when Max shows up late on Friday night, so Sebastian makes up the blowup mattress in his bedroom for him to sleep on. Usually, Rafael and Sonny wouldn't mind Max staying all weekend, but on Sunday they have to go to Staten Island for Sonny's mom's birthday, so on Saturday night while Sonny is still at work, Rafael asks Max to go home.

"Dad, wait, I want Max to stay," Sebastian argues.

Rafael shakes his head. "I'm sorry, son, and Max, but we have plans tomorrow."

Max picks up his backpack. "Seb, its fine--"

"It's not fine," Sebastian says. "It's not fair. Why can't Max come with us tomorrow?"

"Because it's a family function, no offense Max."

"I completely understand," Max says. "Really. It's okay, Seb."

Max walks to the front door. Sebastian follows.

"Come on, Dad, please?"

"Sebastian, I said no. Goodbye, Max. We will see you on Monday."

Max opens the front door. "I'll see you later, Seb."

He steps through and walks down the hall, and Sebastian shuts the door roughly.

"Dad!" he cries when the door is shut.

"Son, doesn't Max have a family who wants to spend at least one day with him?"

"Ugh!" Sebastian complains as he stomps to his bedroom and slams the door.

Sonny arrives home about an hour later, and in that time Sebastian remains locked in his bedroom. Rafael explains what happened, so Sonny goes to Sebastian's room to talk to him.

When they walk in, they're surprised to see Max sitting on Sebastian's bed.

Sebastian jumps up from where he's sitting at his desk. "Dads!"

"Sebastian..." Rafael warns.

"I can explain--"

"You'd better have a really good explanation," Sonny says.

Max covers his face and begins to cry. Sebastian looks at him worried. Rafael and Sonny exchange a confused look.

"Max can't go home," Sebastian says.

"What?" Rafael asks. "Why?"

Sebastian wraps an arm around Max's shaking shoulders.

"Max...he came out to his parents."

Rafael and Sonny glance at each other again, both an, 'I knew it!' and an, 'Oh no.'

"They made him leave," Sebastian adds.

"Hang on," Sonny says, "They kicked you out?"

Max nods. "Sebastian wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of what you'd say, too."

"Uh," Sonny waves a hand between himself and Rafael. "Hello?"

Sebastian speaks up. "They said he's too young to know, and he was afraid you'd say that, too."

"Hey, I knew I was bi in high school," Sonny tells them. "But that's not the point. Guys, you should know you can always come to us, okay? And Max, of course you can stay here. Where else would you go?"

"What about going to Grammy's tomorrow?" Sebastian asks.

Rafael shrugs. "Would the Carisi's really notice an extra mouth to feed?"

Sonny and Sebastian laugh.

"Hey, you can stay, okay? In a few days, we can go talk to your parents, alright?"

Max nods. "Thank you, Mr.'s Barba-Carisi."

Rafael asks Max to leave them for a second so they can talk to Sebastian, so he leaves the room.

"Am I in trouble?" Sebastian asks.

"No, of course not," Rafael says. "But when there's a big issue, we want you to be able to come to us. This is what we mean. Talk to us."

"I know," Sebastian replies, "But it wasn't my issue. It wasn't my secret. Max wanted the privacy."

Sonny nods. "And you're right that he deserves privacy, but this is more than just your friend coming out, son. This is a real problem. They can't just kick him out."

"I know. What are you going to do about it?"

"We'll talk to his parents in a few days," Sonny tells him.

"And if they don't understand? What is he supposed to do?"

Rafael is calculating in his head. Max is a senior, set to graduate in a few months then head off to college. Having an extra mouth to feed wouldn't be so hard for a months.

"We have an extra bedroom," he suddenly announces.

"What?" Sonny and Sebastian ask at the same time.

Rafael shrugs. "We can't let him go somewhere he isn't welcome."

Sebastian quickly stands and hugs Rafael. Sonny joins, and Rafael knows he's as shocked as Sebastian is.

They invite Max back into the room and explain the situation to him. They tell him he can stay as long as he needs. They tell him they appreciate him. He thanks them for being so understanding.

They let Max sleep in the spare room to have privacy instead of with Sebastian, where he usually sleeps. The next morning, they take Max to Staten Island with them and are happy both boys are so happy.


	6. Sebastian's First Girlfriend

Sebastian is sixteen and pretty much the most beautiful boy Rafael and Sonny have ever seen. As his dads, they're not just saying that; Sebastian is truly gorgeous. With shaggy bronze hair to his eyes, giant green eyes that match his father's, and a perpetual tan like a lifeguard, Sebastian is perfect.

It's no surprise when Sebastian starts getting asked out.

Sonny is prideful, because there's that sense of "macho manliness" that comes with being asked out. Rafael thinks it's the toxic masculinity that came with him being the only boy in his family, but Sonny doesn't act and push it onto Sebastian. He just says that's great for Sebastian, but when Sebastian leaves the room Sonny gives a little fist pump of joy, like he would watching football. Rafael rolls his eyes.

Rafael feels protective of Sebastian now that he's old enough to date. He doesn't want his son to get hurt, to be embarrassed, to be rejected. He doesn't want Sebastian to feel everything he did as a teen; nobody ever asked him out, and nobody ever said yes when he asked. It was tough, growing up wondering if you'd ever be loved, especially when love was a joke to him; his dad left, his Abuelo had died but he'd heard the stories that he wasn't the best husband ever. And he doesn't want Sebastian to feel the same way.

Sebastian has dates, goes to dances, but they're nothing special. He shares everything with his dad's, including when he gets a good night kiss, but they're rare.

So far, he hasn't found a girl he really, really likes.

Until Carina Tejada. Carina Valentina Lola Javier Resendez Tejada, to be specific. Sebastian always says her whole name, "R's" rolled in traditional Latin speech.

Sonny and Rafael immediately recognize that Sebastian is in love. He has a dreamy look on his face pretty much constantly, he is perfecting his look more (wearing nicer clothes, spending more time combing his hair), and he is just so happy. They love seeing Sebastian this way.

He finally invites Carina over to meet his fathers a few months into their young relationship. Carina accompanies him home so they can do homework, and her mom will pick her up before dinner time.

Rafael and Sonny adore her immediately. She is so kind, so nice, obviously cares so much about Sebastian, and stares at him like he hung the moon. They flirt subtly between each other and Rafael thinks it's adorable.

Sebastian wasn't wrong about anything he told them about Carina. He said she was beautiful, with long, dark brown hair and sparkling brown eyes. He said her smile shined bright like the sun in the middle of the summer, and that she was smart, funny, and all-around wonderful.

Sebastian is in love. They love that he is so ecstatic about his first girlfriend.

As they sit at the kitchen island doing their homework, Sonny makes them a quick and healthy snack while he also prepares dinner.

"Do you like to cook Mr. Barba-Carisi?" Carina asks, watching him chop cucumbers. "My mom is a chef. And my dad's food is terrible, so he never cooks."

"Yeah," Sonny tells her with a laugh. "We try to cook as much as we can. We've found a great balance between too spicy and just right."

"Do you cook, Sebastian?" she asks next.

Sebastian shrugs. "I mean, I help, but--"

Sonny cuts him off. "His Abuela's been showing him some Cuban dishes. He's a natural."

Sebastian half smiles out of embarrassment when Carina nudges him.

"What can't you do?" she asks flirtatiously, but honestly.

Sebastian fully smiles, and Sonny almost squeals.

Rafael walks into the kitchen as the kids are now talking between each other and glances at Sonny.

"Why is your face like that?" he asks Sonny when Sonny moves to a cabinet far enough away from the kids.

Sonny nods at the couple now engrossed in their math assignment.

Rafael smiles at his son, but rolls his eyes at his husband. "Don't embarrass him."

"What kind of father would I be if I didn't embarrass him a little? My dad showed my first girlfriend my terrible baby pictures."

"And how long did that relationship last?"

"Oh, we're still married," Sonny sarcastically jokes.

Rafael mock glares at him.

An unfamiliar phone ring tone sounds through the kitchen, and Carina is quick to answer it.

"¿Hola?" she asks, then adds, "Hola Mamá. ¿Estás aquí? Estaré allí en un minuto. Adiós."

"Your mom's here?" Sebastian asks, disappointed.

"Yeah," Carina says, closing her books and gathering them to slip into her backpack. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Oh, baseball game, right?"

"Yeah, if you want to come."

"We'll be there," Sonny tells her. "If you want to find us."

Rafael nudges him and gives him a look that is relaying not to push.

"If...if you want," Sonny adds.

"No, that'd be great. I can learn more about Sebastian from the two people who know him best."

Sebastian looks at her with huge, fear filled eyes. Carina just laughs.

"It was nice to meet you," Carina says, shaking Sonny's hand then Rafael's.

"You too, Carina," Rafael says. "We'll see you tomorrow at the baseball game. And really, we won't be offended if you don't seek us out."

"No, no. I will definitely see you!"

Sebastian grasps her shoulder. "Let me walk you out."

They get to the front door and Carina tells him she can make it downstairs alone; it's cold outside and she doesn't want him to go down have to go down to the street.

Sonny and Rafael try not to eavesdrop, but they see Carina cup Sebastian's face and pull him in to kiss his opposite cheek. Sebastian smiles giddily as a faint blush creeps onto his skin. Carina says goodbye once more, then leaves the apartment.

Sebastian returns to the kitchen as if floating on a cloud.

"Isn't she just...estupendo?"

"Oh, he's breaking out the Spanish. You do that," Sonny tells Rafael.

"What? No, I don't."

"Really? 'Te quiero mucho, bebe, bésame, por favor,' doesn't ring a bell?"

Sebastian makes a disgusted face. "Ew, Dad, gross."

Rafael laughs. "And I don't sound like that."

Sonny looks at Sebastian. "And by the way, did you just call your girlfriend, 'stupid'?"

"Yeah Dad, I called my girlfriend stupid."

"He said 'terrific', cariño."

"That makes more sense."

Sebastian just chuckles and goes back to his math book.

"Hey, you haven't said anything about your first kiss with Carina," Sonny says.

"He doesn't have to tell us everything," Rafael comments.

"I know, but--"

Sebastian sighs. "I haven't said anything because...I haven't...we haven't--"

"Really?" Sonny asks. "You've been going out for months."

"I'm just so nervous. She's tried, she's asked, but I just don't want to screw it up."

He looks up at his dads suddenly with wonder in his eyes. "What was your first kiss with each other like?"

Sonny and Rafael exchange a smile.

"Well," Rafael says, reminiscing. "It was the day you two met. I had lied and said I was sick, because Sonny didn't--"

Rafael stops suddenly, remembering he had kept Sebastian a secret for the first four years of his life. Not a good story.

"What?"

Rafael clears his throat. "Didn't know you were sick. So he came over, and you met, and we kissed."

Sonny kisses Rafael's head.

"How did it feel?" Sebastian asks. "Did you know already that you loved each other?"

"I did," Sonny quickly says.

"You didn't," Rafael argues.

"Yes, I did. I loved you. The moment I first saw you with Sebastian. When I saw you two together."

Rafael can't help but smile at him with just as dreamy a look as Sebastian was giving Carina.

"So, who kissed first?"

"I did," Rafael and Sonny both say at the same time. Then, they say, "No, I did."

Sebastian laughs. "Wow. What great memories you guys have."

"Hey," Sonny mutters. "It was a million years ago."

"It was twelve years ago!"

Rafael shakes his head. "Anyway, son, whatever happens, whenever you guys do share your first kiss, don't worry about it. It's just a kiss. Physical aspects of the relationship aren't the important part."

"I know," Sebastian says. "I do really like her."

"And she likes you," Sonny says.

Sebastian nods proudly.

"One more thing," Rafael stops them. "Is she Cuban?" He's clearly joking. 

Sebastian rolls his eyes. "You didn't marry a Cuban."

"Yeah, but he's Catholic. Practically the same thing."

Sonny interjects. "Yeah, in the eyes of the church and your ancestors, a bisexual white man is the same as a Cuban Catholic girl."

Sebastian laughs. "And anyway, she's Mexican. And Catholic."

"Oh, your Abuela will be so proud," Sonny mocks.

Two weeks later, Sebastian tells them about his first kiss with Carina. He says they were just talking about nothing, and Carina kissed him. It was simple, it was sweet, and the best kiss he has ever had. And Sebastian is so, so happy.

 


	7. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is 14.

"Oh look," Sonny says, opening up yet another picture message on his phone. "Baby Fin's rolled over for the first time."

Rafael takes a quick look at the photo, but doesn't comment. He has also grown a bit tired of being notified every time Baby Fin does every little thing. They know Bella is excited. They know he is Bella's last baby, and her late-in-life surprise baby at that, but they don't need to see everything Baby Fin does.

"Were you this insufferable with Seb?" Sonny asks.

"No, because when Seb was born I had one friend, and it was my mother."

Sonny lets out a chuckle. He scrolls through all the pictures and videos Bella has sent over the past few months since Fin's birth, and yeah, Sonny loves his nephew, but there is such thing as too much.

But something else lurks at the back of his mind every time Bella sends a photo. Fin's a cute little blondie, just like his mother, and just like Sebastian was when he was born. And every time Sonny has that thought, 'Just like when Sebastian was born...', he remembers that he has no experience there. He was not around when Sebastian was born. It wasn't until he was a fully functioning child that Sonny showed up, to no fault of anybody's. Still, it makes Sonny miss what he didn't have, it makes him sad that he wasn't there for his son's first bath, his son's first laugh or smile.

"You know," Sonny says, the words rising before he can stop them. He knows it's a silly grievance, but he and Rafael share everything. Why not this?

He continues, "I can't help but feel...I don't know, sad? that I didn't get to experience this stuff with Sebastian."

Rafael snorts. "You should feel lucky that you have a kid and didn't have to do the late night feedings or diaper changes or--"

"I'm serious, Rafi. I woulda been here for all of that, you know that. I just..." Sonny sighs. "Forget it, its stupid."

Rafael lowers his iPad he's scrolling through. "No, baby, I'm sorry. I'm listening."

Sonny shrugs. "I don't know, I just feel like I missed so much, you know? Like, what was his first word?"

Rafael thinks about it for a second. "I think it was, 'no', honestly. Little known fact about your darling son, his terrible-two's lasted pretty much from birth until about three months before we got together."

Sonny is so shocked by that that his jaw literally drops.

Rafael elaborates. "He was a monster with the works: temper tantrums, refusing to do anything anybody asked, arguing. He was awful. He hated everyone who wasn't me, and I thought he even hated me for a long time. I felt like such a failure, I'm glad you didn't know us then."

"What changed? He was perfect when I met him."

"I think a friend of my mom's, an old Puerto Rican lady who took no shit, told him he'd better be nice to his daddy or else. Scared the crap out of him."

Sonny can't believe his ears. "I don't believe that. Not my sweet baby boy."

Rafael rolls his eyes.

"When did he first smile? Crawl? Walk? Eat solid food--"

"Sonny, relax. Slowly."

"What was his first smile like?"

Rafael smiles, remembering. "It was beautiful. I was feeling so overwhelmed doing all of it alone, I was on the verge of a breakdown every night. One night, I was feeding him late, and he looked right at me and just smiled. After that I realized I could do it, that I was doing it."

"You did amazing," Sonny says.

"Yeah, that was just about the last time he was nice to me until he was four and a half. Lets see, he didn't crawl for long before he started standing and walking. Then he was into everything, and luckily I'd baby-proofed the entire apartment."

Sonny loves hearing the stories about Sebastian as a baby. With the details Rafael provides, he can almost imagine he was there. He misses it, sure, he's sad that he missed so much, but he's glad Rafael remembers.

They talk about all of Sebastian's firsts, but soon there's a knock on their bedroom door. Sebastian cracks the door open, peers inside to make sure they're up, then walks in.

"Are you guys avoiding me, or something? What are you doing in here?"

"Talking about you," Sonny says, patting their fluffy bed so Sebastian will join.

Sebastian groans. "Oh, god. You guys need a hobby."

He flops onto the comfortable bed.

Rafael ruffles his hair, as Sebastian's head is closest to him. "Dad was asking about your firsts when you were a baby. I told him your first word was 'no' because you were a monster."

Sebastian rolls onto his back and covers his face in embarrassment. "I was not."

"Clearly you can't remember the tantrum at Toys 'R' Us in Times Square that made me never return to Times Square with you ever again."

"Well..." Sebastian tries to argue, but nothing comes out.

Sonny laughs. "See? I missed all of that. Seb, your next word right now is your new 'first word'."

Sebastian looks Sonny dead in the eye. "Fu--"

Rafael flicks his head. Sebastian giggles.

Rafael reaches over and grabs Sonny's hand. "Honey, you were there for a lot of Sebastian's important firsts. His first haircut, his first lost tooth, his first day of kindergarten--"

"My first Mets game, my first Little League game, you bought me my first baseball glove. God knows I wouldn't have learned any of that shit if I was just with him for my whole life," Sebastian dramatically points at Rafael.

Rafael grabs his finger and playfully squeezes it.

"Ow!"

"Language!"

Sonny laughs. "Yeah, but--"

"Who cares if you weren't there for Sebastian's firsts?" Rafael asks.

"Dad wasn't even there for my first steps," Sebastian says.

Rafael looks at him. "What? Yes, I was."

Sebastian looks suddenly guilty, with green eyes avoiding his father's. "Uhm..."

"Uhm, what?" Rafael questions suspiciously.

"Abuela made me promise not to tell you, but I actually took my first steps before you saw."

"What?! When did she tell you this?!"

Sebastian shrugs. "Like last year--"

"Last--" Rafael sighs. "For this long she's kept that from me?"

"She didn't want you to feel bad that you missed it."

"Well, now I do," Rafael pouts.

"See?" Sonny asks, "Now you get how I feel? Sebastian, get up and take your first steps now--"

"Oh my god," Sebastian groans. "You're both being ridiculous, you realize that, right? You've both been around for plenty of firsts."

Rafael speaks first. "I don't know what you're talking about, I've never seen you walk."

"Dios mio," Sebastian mumbles, getting off the bed. "I'm having breakfast if you dorks want to join."

When Sebastian climbs off the bed and walks away, Sonny and Rafael both cheer.

"Look at him!" Rafael cries.

"Quick, Rafi, get the camera!"

Sebastian rolls his eyes insufferably, then leave his fathers in their bedroom.

Rafael grabs Sonny's hand once they're alone again. "He's right, you know."

"Hmm?"

"A lot of his firsts were because of you. He wouldn't know how to throw a ball, he'd have never visited Citi Field. We have so much because of you that I don't ever want you to feel like you missed anything."

"I know," Sonny says. "Just would've been nice to have you this whole time."

"I know, we would've loved to have you. But we can't dwell, okay? Our family has been wonderful. Don't let Bella's baby craze bother you."

Sonny nods.

Rafael leans over and kisses him soundly on the lips.

Sonny begins to chuckle. "First time he walked in on daddy's getting hot and heavy on the couch."

"Yeah, that's a memory I'd like to never relive."

Sonny kisses him again, then throws the blankets back and climbs out of bed. "Come on, let's go make our baby some breakfast before he burns the kitchen down."

"He does get his excellent cooking skills from you," Rafael says sarcastically.

"Hey! I've never burnt anything--"

"What about the grilled cheese--"

"That was, like, eight years ago!"

They enter the kitchen to see Sebastian perfectly cracking eggs and heating a pan on the stove.

"Remember the first time Seb made us breakfast?" Sonny asks.

"Cereal on a plate?" Rafael replies as he ruffles Sebastian's hair again. "It was adorable and delicious and not at all a huge mess."

Sebastian tries to duck out of the way of Rafael ruffling his hair, but Sonny is on his other side and takes Sebastian in a hug.

"Why are you two like this?" Sebastian asks. "Why can't you be normal and, like, not act like I'm the only source of entertainment you have?"

"What is entertainment?" Rafael asks.

"I think he's talking about that glowing screen in the living room, Rafi."

Sebastian cracks a smile, not laughing because he can never give his fathers any satisfaction. Sonny just kisses his cheek and Rafael squeezes his shoulder.

They eat as a family, and eventually Sonny worries less about his role in Sebastian's life. He's just glad he's in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: Baby Fin's name was not meant for Detective Fin. If you remember, a few chapters ago I mentioned Bella's next baby was an E name, as they went down the alphabet. So I figured Bella's late in life baby could be a boy, but he'd need an F name. Fin accidentally popped up. Just an FYI.


	8. Case

Rafael hears about all of it before he sees Sonny for the day. The call, the chase, the events leading up to finding two small kids locked in a closet in a basement. Both battered, beaten, and so malnourished nobody could tell their ages, and they clung to Sonny like their lives depended on it. In that moment, it did, because the captor arrived home, shots were fired, but Sonny got the kids out like his own life depended on it.

Rafael didn't hear about it until the kids were safe in hospital beds, until Liv called and told him everything. But instead of it being a work call, giving him a heads up on the upcoming case, it was a personal call to keep an eye on Sonny. Being the one who found the kids and saved them, he was taking it hard. He was visibly shaken all evening. Liv, the whole team is worried about him.

Sonny still takes the kid cases very hard. Even though his son is six, and he's been with Rafael for two years now, he's still a new dad. He just adopted Sebastian, the papers went through a month ago, they had a big party. Sonny is a new dad, and these cases are so hard for him.

Rafael skips the plan he'd had all day to stop for a dinner he'd been craving and instead opts to rush home, fearing what he'd find there. Sonny, a complete mess? Sonny, obsessively cleaning or cooking to keep his mind busy? There were a dozen scenarios running through his mind, but he was not prepared to walk into a dark apartment. The glow from the television is the only light in the room.

Rafael hangs his coat and wanders to the couch, where Sonny is laying on his back with Sebastian laying on his chest. Sebastian is fast asleep, and Sonny's eyes are closed even though he's stroking Sebastian's long hair.

Rafael kneels next to the couch where Sonny's head is resting. Sonny slowly opens his eyes.

"Hey, baby," he sleepily whispers.

Rafael soothingly rubs a hand through Sonny's hair. "How do you feel?"

Sonny looks down at the top of Sebastian's head. "Better."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Sonny shakes his head. "Not right now."

Rafael leans over and kisses his head. "I'm going to order dinner. You relax, I'll wake you guys when it arrives."

Sonny's eyes drift shut again, but he doesn't stop playing with Sebastian's hair.

The food arrives half an hour later, but Rafael leaves Sonny and Sebastian asleep on the couch. It isn't until Sebastian wakes almost an hour later that they sit to eat, then Sonny joins them a few minutes later.

Since their schedule is off because Sebastian took a long nap, and because Sonny obviously doesn't want to go to sleep, they stay up late and watch a movie with popcorn, and the next morning they all call in for the morning off.

Sonny finally begins to look like himself as they walk Sebastian to school after having breakfast in the park, which consisted of cinnamon rolls, hot chocolate, and coffee.

"Thanks for this," Sonny says as they walk a few blocks before catching a cab to the precinct.

"No need to thank me. We both needed some extra time this morning."

"It was just...so bad, Rafi. And I was...I was scared, you know? When I got home, I didn't want to let him go."

"I know," Rafael says. "How do you feel now? Are you okay to go to the office?"

"Yeah, I'll be alright. You know how it is; new day, new case."

Rafael squeezes his hand. "I love you, you know that?"

Sonny cracks a smile. "Yeah, I do."

Rafael walks with Sonny until they can't walk anymore, then they get a cab. He holds Sonny close the entire time, wanting to feel the same closeness Sonny had needed with Sebastian the night before. Sonny wants to know his son is safe, Rafael wants to know Sonny is safe. Not a day at the office goes by that he isn't worried about Sonny as well as Sebastian, but knowing and praying is all he can do. He kisses Sonny's cheek and thanks God he's alright. And when Sonny cracks one of his stupid jokes before they arrive, he knows Sonny will be. 


	9. Interruptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is 16. And he should be glad his parents are still so in love!

Kissing in the hushed morning darkness is one of Sonny and Rafael's favorite activities. Buried under their warm covers, bodies hot as a furnace from a good night's sleep, and mouths unrushed in the low buzz of the early morning. They seek only each other with nothing on their minds.

One usually wakes the other, long before their day interrupts, long before their alarms erupt to distract them with their day. Wrapped up in each other, they kiss awake, bumping noses and eyes closed unnecessarily because of the absence of light in the bedroom.

Sonny likes to slide on top of Rafael before Rafael can move; he throws a leg over Rafael's waist and relishes the feeling of Rafael's strong hands everywhere they can reach. Sonny holds him down with thighs and torso pressing down everywhere against Rafael.

They smile into each other's mouths when they can spare to part. In the shadows, their eyes and teeth glowing when clothes come off and they start to move.

They're slowly building the heat with touches growing purposeful and kisses growing tougher. They moan, swallowing the other's noises and crying out in reply.

The door is locked, which is good because they don't hear a pair of size tens padding down the hall until the boy attached to the feet interrupting them is jiggling the doorknob.

Sonny sighs, and not because Rafael is licking his neck.

"He doesn't know we're awake..." Rafael tries to reason, continuing to kiss Sonny.

The back of Sonny's mind is telling him Sebastian may actually need something, but he doesn't knock or try to open the door, so Sonny melts into Rafael again. Sebastian is old enough to solve his problems on his own anyway.

Stretched minutes pass like pulled taffy, but Rafael knows they'd better get a move on before the alarms sound. With purpose, he rotates his hips up and Sonny gasps in surprise. Rafael smirks and is about to undulate his hips again when--

There's a sharp knock on their bedroom door.

Sonny sits up on Rafael's hips to not yell in Rafael's ear, but Rafael's hands on his hips are not helping his want to check what Sebastian needs.

"What, Seb?" Sonny squeaks out.

Rafael chuckles. He adds, "We're kind of busy."

"Oh..." Sebastian sighs on the other side of the door. "Okay."

Sonny rolls his hips on top of Rafael. He's about to dive in for more kisses when--

"It's just that," Sebastian calls from the hall.

Sonny takes a deep, frustrated breath.

Sebastian continues, "My nose has been bleeding for a while--"

Rafael taps Sonny's thigh so he'll climb off.

"--And it won't stop--"

Both men sit on the edge of the bed and will their problems away. Sonny scrubs a hand through his hair and thinks about one of his first homicide case. Rafael recites the first amendment word for word in his head.

"--And I don't know what to do and--"

By the time Sebastian pauses again, Rafael's throwing the door open. Sebastian looks like a shadow in the dim dawn, but Sonny can see two tampons--that Sebastian had bought to make Carina feel comfortable during her visits--stuck up his nose.

"I'll get an ice pack," Rafael says as Sonny ushers Sebastian into his bathroom.

Sonny squints under the harsh bathroom light and instructs Sebastian to sit on the counter. Sonny wets a wash clothe to clean dried blood off Sebastian's chin, neck, and arms.

"How the heck did you get blood on your elbow?" Sonny asks.

"Well, my elbow itched after I had wiped my nose with my hand, but I didn't know I was bleeding at the time, so I scratched and didn't notice I had spread the blood until just now, and--"

Rafael joins a second later with two ice packs and his own wet clothe.

"Here, put this on your neck," he tells Sebastian, handing him an ice pack. "How'd you get blood on your elbow?" he asks.

"Don't ask," Sonny answers.

They clean Sebastian up and the blood slows while exchanging longing glances and soft touches. They don't notice, but Sebastian does because he says, "Can you stop flirting? It's gross."

Rafael looks at Sonny with soft eyes while saying to Sebastian, "Hey, you interrupted--"

Sebastian grimaces. "Oh god--"

Sonny grins. "Remember when Seb went through that nightmare phase and we had to sneak home in the middle of the day to--"

Sebastian squeezes his eyes shut, as if that will block out the noise. "Ew, ew--"

"Mmm," Rafael grins back at Sonny, knowing full well they're both just trying to mess with Sebastian. "In the living room, on the kitchen--"

Sebastian hops off the counter. "I'm feeling much better, I'll just...never, ever need anything before breakfast ever again."

"And don't forget to knock," Rafael says as Sebastian practically runs out of the bathroom.

Sonny and Rafael laugh as Sebastian runs away.

Sonny stretches his arms over his head, waking up fully because he didn't get to stretch before leaving bed earlier. "Well, seeing blood gush out of my child's face has killed my mood, what about you?"

Rafael nods in agreement, but grips Sonny's waist anyway. "Maybe we can sneak home in the middle of the day anyway."

"Yeah? Don't want to have a working lunch in your office?"

Rafael shrugs. "We could meet at that Sheraton on Canal Street."

Sonny laughs. He leans down to kiss Rafael soundly on the lips.

Suddenly, Sebastian is in the doorway. "Hey, did I leave my--oh my god, why?! In my bathroom?! With the door wide open for the whole world to see?!"

Rafael and Sonny had parted, and now Rafael leads Sonny out of the bathroom.

"You're a drama queen," Sonny tells Sebastian. "Aren't you glad your dads like each other enough to--"

Sebastian interjects, "Make out in my bathroom?! No!"

Rafael wraps an arm around Sebastian's shoulder. "Come on, Seb. I'll make you pancakes."

"Can't," Sonny says behind them. "We used the last of the syrup to--"

"I don't even want to know!" Sebastian cries, shrugging out of Rafael's arms to duck into his bedroom.

"I'm kidding!" Sonny says, laughing, pulling Sebastian out of the room and down the hall.

Their morning continues as the sun rises, all together as a family. Sonny and Rafael just hope Sebastian's nose is okay, and Sebastian hopes he never needs to interrupt his fathers again.

 

 


	10. Copper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The old "Rafael doesn't want a puppy" trope. Every AU needs one.

Sonny jumps awake to the sound of slight rustling at the end of their bed. Rafael follows, slower on the uptake but just as alarmed.

"Jesus christ," Sonny mutters as he makes out the shadow of their eight year old sitting patiently at the end of their bed.

"Oh good, you're awake," Sebastian says, opening Rafael's laptop that's in his arms.

Rafael leans over to turn on his bedside lamp and check the time. It's just past 6 A.M. on a Sunday.

"Sebastian, what are you doing?" Sonny asks, rubbing his eyes.

Sebastian sets the laptop on the bed and turns it to face his fathers. The screen is blue and has the words, "Why I Deserve a Puppy, by Sebastian Barba-Carisi" in large, white font.

Sebastian had been asking for a puppy for about six months, but gave up about a week ago. Apparently he was too busy making a PowerPoint slideshow.

"Can't this wait un--"

Sebastian presses a button on the keyboard, making the screen change.

"Part one," he says, repeating the text on the screen, "Responsibility."

Sebastian continues flipping through the slideshow as he gives a speech. During part one, he informs his fathers that a puppy will teach him responsibility. He will feed it and walk it, with the accompanying of his dads, and he will play with it so it won't be sad.

Part two is about companionship, because although Sebastian has lots of friends, a puppy could be another family member. Here is when he says, "If you're never going to give me a baby brother or sister, the least you could do is get me a puppy so I am not lonely."

Part three is about caring, as in teaching Sebastian what it means to care about and value something. "I need to learn how to be more empathetic," he informs his dads, to which they exchange a confused look wondering where he even learned that.

Part four is about what Sebastian is feeling since they are not getting him a puppy. He feels as though they do not trust him and do not care about his loneliness because they are not allowing him to have a puppy.

"You obviously don't trust that I will be a good puppy owner," Sebastian says.

"Because you're eight..." Rafael argues.

"And you don't care that a puppy will keep me company and make me happy."

"You are happy--" Sonny tries.

"In conclusion," Sebastian says, ignoring them. He clicks for the final slide. "By getting me a puppy, I will learn how to be responsible, and caring, and I will have a companion. They don't call dogs man's best friend for nothing. And as I am a man--"

"Again, you're eight--"

"As I am a man," Sebastian says sternly, giving Rafael an annoyed look for interrupting him. Sonny laughs because he looks just like Rafael.

"I deserve a puppy," Sebastian finishes.

Rafael and Sonny just watch as Sebastian closes the laptop and stands on the bed.

"Thank you for listening," he says, then bows theatrically.

"I..." Rafael glances at Sonny. "Are we supposed to clap?"

With a shrug, Sonny claps. Rafael follows as Sebastian hops off the bed.

When Sebastian is out of the room, Rafael lays back against his pillow.

"Well..." Sonny mutters.

"We're not getting him a puppy," Rafael says, turning on his side.

"He made some good--"

"No."

"But it could teach him--"

"No."

"But it could be--"

Rafael turns to look at Sonny over his shoulder. "Tell you what. You can get him a puppy. And Sebastian can visit your and the puppy's new apartment every other weekend."

Sonny rolls his eyes and lays down behind Rafael.

"You're dramatic," Sonny says cuddling behind Rafael with an arm around his waist.

"I don't want a puppy in my house, Sonny."

"Okay, baby, okay."  
\---

A week goes by and Rafael is glad Sebastian hasn't brought up the puppy. He knows Sebastian is just not asking so he doesn't get annoying with it, because Rafael and Sonny tell him enough, "If you ask again, the answer will be no."

Rafael hopes he'll just forget about it, because a puppy is so not what they need right now. They're hardly home, since they're at work for so long during the day, and Sebastian might just lose interest in a puppy soon after getting one. What happens the first time Sebastian decides he doesn't want to take the puppy out for a walk? Rafael knows; Sonny will do it, and when Sonny isn't home, he'll do it. And they'll be stuck taking care of this puppy.

Sonny is too quick to give Sebastian what he wants, and Rafael is glad Sonny's pretty much dropped it, too. If it was up to Sonny, they'd have ran out and bought Sebastian a puppy a minute after the first time he asked. Sonny has no control, and he wants to please Sebastian in any way, no matter the consequences. Rafael is lucky Sebastian isn't a spoiled brat because of Sonny.

Rafael exits the elevator to their floor and sighs in relief as he walks up to the front door. He's so glad to be home. All he wants is a quiet night with his two men.

Rafael gets into the front door and immediately pauses. There, on the dark hardwood they just had put in last year, is a black puppy staring at him with giant brown eyes.

Footsteps run through the house, and a second later Sebastian slides in his socks behind the puppy. His eyes are as big as the puppies, shocked and nervous.

"Daddy!" he yells, running away again.

A second later, Sonny and Sebastian return. Rafael is still standing at the front door, staring at the dog.

"Rafi..." Sonny says, stepping up to Rafael. "Don't freak out."

"Oh, there's just a dog in my living room when I'm pretty sure I specifically said we are not getting a puppy. Why would I freak out?"

Sonny takes Rafael's hand and pulls him into the apartment, pulling him to their bedroom.

Sonny starts, "Hear me out, okay?"

Rafael explodes. "Sonny, what the hell?! I said I don't want a puppy, Sonny! They're messy and noisy and a lot of work--"

"Listen--"

"They eat socks--"

"He won't--"

"They pee on floors--"

"He won't!"

"My nice hardwood floors--"

"Rafi, listen," Sonny grabs his shoulders. "This dog is a failed police dog. He was dropped from the program, but he's super good and nice. He is trained to not pee indoors, to not eat stuff that isn't his, and obeys basic commands. He's a great dog, Rafi."

"If he's so great, why did he fail to program?"

Seconds later, the puppy runs down the hall and into their bedroom, right to Sonny. He jumps up his leg, tail wagging and excitement visible.

"That's why," Sonny says. "He just kept licking people instead of attacking."

"Sonny..." Rafael sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I said--"

"Yeah, you said, we didn't discuss. You say, you always say. We've been married for two years, I've been around for four. When are we going to discuss things before a decision is made?

"Listen, he's a great dog. I'm just babysitting 'til the station finds him a home, Sebastian knows that. Just...be mad at me, whatever. We'll be out of your hair all night. Come on, Copper."

Rafael watches the dog follow Sonny out of the room, tail still wagging and oblivious to he problem he's caused.

Except, Rafael realizes as Sonny shuts the door on him, it's really not the puppy's fault. It's not Sebastian's fault for wanting one, either. Rafael realizes Sonny is right; they never talk about a decision to be made, Rafael just says and they do. Rafael says they're having spaghetti for dinner? They have spaghetti for dinner. Rafael says they're going to his mother's for the weekend? They go to his mother's for the weekend.

Sonny doesn't do, he asks. He's constantly asking permission. He asks if they can go his parent's house, whereas Rafael tells. He asks if they can have pizza for dinner. He asks if they can watch the Mets game.

Sonny, Rafael realizes, shouldn't have to ask permission in his own home. At least, if he asks, they should discuss it.

Rafael feels terrible for making Sonny feel terrible. He feels terrible that, had Sonny asked if they could keep the puppy for a few days while the station finds him a permanent home, Rafael would have said no. Immediately. He wouldn't have given Sonny a chance to discuss it.

Rafael calms down for a few minutes, changes into some sweat pants that he knows Sonny loves, then goes out to the living room. Sonny is sitting on the couch, staring angrily at the television, but Sebastian and the puppy are nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Seb?" Rafael asks.

"He took the dog for a walk with Mrs. Rodriguez."

Mrs. Rodriguez is an older lady who lives a floor below them, and sometimes Sebastian accompanies her on her evening walks. It's fortunate he does and he could take the puppy.

"Look, Sonny..." Rafael says, sitting on the coffee table in front of Sonny. Sonny doesn't spare Rafael a look. Rafael continues anyway, "You're right."

"I know," Sonny says sassily. "I'm right a lot, you just don't listen to me."

Rafael hangs his head in shame. "I know. I know we should talk about things, and I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't have a say."

"I appreciate your apology. I'll think about whether or not I accept it."

Sonny is still staring at the television. Rafael follows his gaze and sees it's on crappy court TV that is not exhilarating at all. Sonny isn't really paying attention to it.

Rafael looks at Sonny again. "Sonny? Baby?"

"Don't baby me, Rafi. I'm mad."

Rafael leans forward and places his hands on Sonny's knees. "I know you're mad. I'm apologizing and willing to talk about the puppy. He's housebroken?"

Sonny nods.

"And he won't eat my shoes?"

Sonny nods again.

"And you really think he'd be good for us? Good for Seb?"

Sonny nods a third time.

"I'm willing to...try it out."

Sonny finally looks at Rafael. "Really?"

"Yes, because it's something you and Seb both want. I'm outvoted anyway."

"I don't want to make it a vote--"

"No, I know. I'm willing to try, okay? But if he eats my shoes or keeps us up all night, we can't do it, okay?"

Sonny nods eagerly. "Yeah, I agree. And listen, Mrs. Rodriguez offered to take him out during her midday walk. That's great, huh? And then when Seb gets home with Annie after school, they can take him out again."

"That's a great plan, babe."

Sonny leans forward. "And you'll like him, Rafi, I promise. He's a good dog. And Seb loves him already, you should see 'em together."

Rafael nods. "I'm keeping an open mind about him."

Sonny finally cracks a smile. Rafael smiles back.

"I am sorry, Sonny. I promise to talk to you more, and if I don't you can call me out on it."

"Oh, my pleasure."

"Please refrain from calling me an ass in front of our son, please."

Sonny laughs. "I'd never call you an ass to your face. Unless, 'Damn, you have a nice--' is attached to it."

Rafael rolls his eyes. Of course Sonny is trying to flirt now.

Sonny closes the short gap between them and kisses Rafael.

Sebastian arrives home a few minutes later while Sonny and Rafael are starting on dinner. The puppy is excited to see Sonny, but is weary about Rafael. Dogs know these things, they know when they're not wanted. So, to not make things awkward for their guest, Rafael kneels on the floor and sticks his hand out as an offering.

"Hi, Copper," Rafael says, as he heard the dog's name earlier.

Sebastian is by their side in an instant while Rafael is sniffed everywhere by the dog. "Copper, this is other Daddy!"

Rafael laughs, and he notices Sonny laugh too. Eventually, the puppy decides Rafael is trustworthy and seals it with a lick across Rafael's face. Rafael grimaces, but Sebastian laughs and the puppy wags his tail like crazy. Rafael doesn't think it's that bad.

After Copper stays for two days, Rafael falls just as much in love with him as Sebastian and Sonny. Sebastian proves to be very responsible with him; he sets an alarm on his iPad for when it's time to feed Copper. Sebastian never complains about not wanting to walk with Mrs. Rodriguez.

They decide to keep Copper, and what decides it is the first time they see he dog mad. They're taking a walk as a family one evening, and a man tries to approach them. Sonny, of course, is immediately cautious, but Copper begins barking like mad, scaring the man away. As soon as the man runs away, Copper is calm and happy again, he doesn't turn on Sebastian or endanger him. It's then that Rafael sees having a puppy, someone to protect Sebastian, isn't so bad.

Sebastian loves his puppy, and he's forever thankful for his dads for keeping Copper. And after the initial discussion, Rafael remembers to talk about Sonny about everything.

 


	11. Sonny's Gone

Rafael watches Sonny pack a light suitcase wishing he didn't have to go.

"Just for a few days," Sonny reassures him.

For many reasons, Rafael wishes he wasn't leaving.

"I'll be back before you know it."

One reason is the circumstances under which Sonny must leave. His Nonna is sick, on her deathbed, and the Carisi's want to visit for one last goodbye. This means Sonny and his sisters, no husbands or kids, taking a weekend road trip to Vermont where Sonny's Nonna has lived the past few years of her life. Sonny is sad, which makes Rafael sad.

"You and Seb will be fine."

The other big reason Rafael wishes Sonny didn't have to go is because, truthfully, he's scared. It's been six years since Rafael began sharing dad duties, and being alone with their ten-year-old is actually quite terrifying to Rafael. It'll just be for a few days, but still. Rafael is scared.

"Just think of it as times when I'm on graveyard."

Sonny zips his suitcase.

Just a few days.

A few long days.

Sonny wheels the suitcase towards the bedroom door, so Rafael follows. They get out to the living room where Little Sonny is watching television in his underwear. It's just past eight in the morning, the sisters should be by to pick Sonny up very soon, and Rafael wishes they could all just crawl back into bed and not worry about weekends away or dying grandparents.

"Call me if you need anything, whenever."

From the couch, Sebastian answers, "I will."

"Not you," Sonny replies.

Sebastian looks at them. "Did you tell Dad how to make the omelettes?"

Every Saturday morning, Sonny makes omelettes, and Rafael still has not perfected omelettes. Last night, Sebastian begged Sonny to make breakfast before his departure, but Sonny insisted Rafael could do it this time, because they assumed Sebastian would still be asleep at this time.

"Yes," Sonny says.

Sebastian looks unconvinced, but returns to the television anyway.

The doorbell rings. Rafael's stomach turns.

"Alright, I gotta go," Sonny tells Rafael. "I love you. Call me."

"Be careful," Rafael offers before puckering his lips for a kiss.

Sonny answers with a soft hand on Rafael's cheek and a kiss to his lips.

"And you," Sonny says when they part. He steps over to the couch and stands over Sebastian. "Be good. Listen to Dad."

"I will," Sebastian promises.

Sonny leans over and kisses his head. "I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy."

Rafael finally opens the front door. Bella is leaning against the door frame looking annoyed.

"You may have one less sister by the time we get to Vermont," she says, stepping into the apartment.

"Come on," Sonny says, slinging a backpack over his shoulder. "Gina is not that bad."

"The fact that you know it's Gina is what makes her bad," Bella retorts. "Hey, how's my favorite nephew?"

Sebastian approaches her slowly, probably because he's still half asleep and half pouting that she's taking Sonny.

"I'm your only nephew," he argues.

"Doesn't mean you're not my favorite." Bella wraps her arms around Sebastian and kisses his forehead. Sebastian tiredly hugs back.

Rafael accepts Sebastian into his arms when Bella lets him go so they can leave.

"I'll be back in no time," Sonny promises to two very miserable looking men. "You won't even notice I'm gone."

Rafael and Sebastian just nod. Of course they'll notice.

After one last round of quick kisses, Sonny and Bella leave the house. Rafael looks down at Sebastian standing against him.

"So, hungry?"

Sebastian grabs his iPad and take it to the island where Rafael prepares everything for their omelettes. Sonny could have so made breakfast, but Rafael thinks Sonny just wanted to see if he could do it. They usually split food duty, but breakfast is Sonny's specialty.

Rafael notices Sebastian is uncharacteristically quiet while he's making breakfast. Worried, Rafael asks what's wrong.

"I just don't want to distract you so you don't screw up our omelettes," Sebastian answers honestly.

"Thanks, son."

Sebastian is silent again while Rafael begins to dice tomatoes. It takes a minute for Rafael to notice Sebastian is staring at him.

"Yes?" Rafael asks simply.

"That's not how Dad does it."

"Son, you're not going to be able to tell how Dad does it or how I do it when you're eating it."

Except, Rafael is having trouble. Sonny is the tomato dicing master. Rafael's are kind of just...mashed.

"I'll be able to tell when there's a giant chunk of tomato smashed--"

Rafael gathers the not-mashed cubes and drops them into a bowl with bell pepper and onion.

"There. No smashes," he tells Sebastian.

Sebastian accepts this and returns to the iPad.

Rafael heats the pan and prepares the eggs, whipping them quickly. Sebastian watches out of the corner of his eye looking unimpressed.

"Can I do it my own way, please?" Rafael asks.

Sebastian shrugs. "Fine."

Everything goes in the pan and Rafael thinks it's going fine. They'll be fine. It'll taste right, and that's all that matters.

"That's not how Dad--"

"I know!"

Rafael ignores Sebastian and makes the omelette his own way, but when it comes time to fold it, Rafael tries but the egg is still gooey.

"You're ruining it!" Sebastian cries, standing on the stool to look over Rafael's shoulder.

Rafael snaps, asking Sebastian to be quiet and to remind the boy that he's trying. "Por favor, cálmate! Estoy intentando!" He turns back to the omelette and lets it heat up a while longer while the vegetables await to be folded into it. They'll be warm and cooked, but it won't matter.

With a glance at Sebastian, Rafael realizes it apparently does matter, because he's glaring at the omelette as if it has personally wronged him.

Sonny's been gone for twenty minutes. It's going to be a long weekend.

Finally, the omelette is plated. Rafael serves Sebastian first, of course. Sebastian carefully lifts his fork and pokes at the egg.

"Please try it," Rafael begs.

Sebastian cuts a small bite, then slowly take it to his mouth. He chews for a half a second before making a sour face.

"Oh come on," Rafael says, "It can't be bad."

Sebastian pushes the plate at Rafael. "You try it."

Rafael takes a clean fork and cuts into the omelette himself. He takes a healthy sliver, takes a bite, and in a second realizes that Sebastian is telling the truth. It's terrible.

Rafael clears his throat out of sheer embarrassment. "How do you feel about Mama's?"

Mama's is a bakery where the family loves to eat that has the best bagels in their neighborhood.

Sebastian sighs and slides off his stool. "I'll get my coat."

The weekend is not entirely lost because of the omelette. Sure, Sebastian won't stop saying, "That's not how Dad does it.", but on Saturday night he still falls asleep in Rafael's arms on the couch. Rafael strokes his hair lovingly as he sleeps.

On Sunday morning, Sebastian makes it easy for Rafael and asks for waffles, which is the only pre-packaged food in the house because Sonny has a soft spot for Ego Waffles--all other foods are hand made. Then, they spend Sunday at the park, playing games they're able to play with two people--like most games, Rafael reminds Sebastian, because he keeps saying they need Sonny for specific games.

Sonny finally arrives home on Monday evening, and although Rafael is glad, he is happy to admit he had a great time alone with Sebastian.

Sebastian, however, quickly says, "He ruined my omelette!" as soon as Sonny asks how their weekend was.

"Sorry I left ya," Sonny says, hugging Rafael tight.

"I won't say you weren't missed. We survived."

To make up for his absence, Sonny makes a late dinner of omelettes, and Sebastian and Rafael couldn't be more happy that Dad is back.


	12. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you celebrate Thanksgiving, then Happy Thanksgiving! If you don’t, then happy random Thursday! Here’s a quick Thanksgiving fic. Mrs. Carisi is absolutely my grandmother because if we don’t want to eat the meal, she still lets us eat dessert first. Hope you enjoy!

“Come on, por favor?”

Sebastian crosses his arms and seals his mouth shut. Bella, Theresa, and Gina each snicker across the table. Rafael wants to glare at them, but that’s rude, and Sebastian is being rude enough as is.

Rafael is seconds away from pulling Sebastian from this fantastic Thanksgiving table and smacking some sense into him. Not that he’d actually ever smack Sebastian, but the euphemism stands. He’s refusing to eat his dinner, which consists of a traditional turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, stuffing, cranberry, the works. It’s fantastic, and it was so kind of the Carisi’s to invite them when Rafael has only been seeing Sonny for a few months. He does not want his son acting like such a brat over a thoughtful meal.

Rafael leans close to Sebastian, taking one glance around the table full of people in their own conversations but clearly keeping an eye on the two new men sitting with them.

“Mi amor,” Rafael whispers as nicely as he can, as he is afraid of losing his cool. “Por favor, come.” He begs his son to eat.

“Mm-mm,” Sebastian replies, a clear no.

Rafael takes a deep breath to calm down. He tries not to notice that the other kids at the table are eating with no problem, even Bella’s baby sitting in Mr. Carisi’s arms.

“Sebastian—“

“Honey!” Mrs. Carisi cries from the head of the table. “Want some pie, baby? Would that make you feel better?”

Sebastian lightens up. His eyes suddenly glow. He nods. Mrs. Carisi moves to stand.

“Uh,” Rafael clears his throat. “Mrs. Carisi, wai—“

“Rafi, I told you to drop this ‘Mrs. Carisi’. Call me Deb!”

“Okay, Deb, he really doesn’t need pie. You’ve all worked so hard to prepare this meal—“

“He doesn’t want to eat it, he doesn’t have to eat it.”

“Ma’am—“

“No use arguin’ with Ma, Rafael,” Gina informs him.

Rafael glances at Sonny, who is not helping at all. He’s quietly digging into his mashed potatoes. But, knowing Sonny, he would’ve said from the start of the meal, ‘Sebastian doesn’t like turkey or mashed potatoes or corn. Here, I’ll just give him some pie.’

Rafael doesn’t know if he should refuse and fight with Mrs. Carisi about it, insist Sebastian eat his dinner lest he not earn dessert, but he knows fighting with the hostess may be more rude than his son not eating her food.

Mrs. Carisi cuts a slice of thick pumpkin pie, tops it with a healthy dollop of whipped cream, then sends it down the table to Rafael’s ridiculous little boy.

Rafael glares at him while Sebastian smiles smugly, pushing his dinner plate away to make room for his pie.

“Mama!” Bella’s oldest daughter Alexis cries. “I want pie, too!”

“Me too!” Theresa’s son Elliot, who is only two, says.

“Okay, okay!” Mrs. Carisi addresses her grandchildren. Mr. Carisi ignores everyone and keeps eating. Rafael catches a glimpse of who is in charge in this family.

Mrs. Carisi continues, “Lets have dessert first!”

Rafael sighs and covers his face in embarrassment as the children cheer. If Sebastian would just eat his damn dinner—

“I will give each of you a small slice of pie as long as you promise Grammy to eat your dinner after.”

“I promise!” Alexis and Elliot say in unison.

Rafael notices Sebastian smile like an evil genius who knows this is his doing. Just when Rafael thought Sebastian’s ‘terrible-two’s’ were over—

“What are you smiling about?” Sonny asks. “She’s going to make you eat your dinner next, too.”

Sebastian frowns suddenly.

“That’s how Grammy does it,” Sonny informs the boy. “She catches you with the fine print.”

Sebastian looks personally offended. “You have to negotiate the terms of the deal before!”

Rafael is once again embarrassed. His four year old is talking negotiations! He’s about to leave the table, mortified, but suddenly everyone starts laughing. Cracking up, everyone, even Mr. Carisi who had silently been eating thus far.

“You hear that, Ma?” Bella asks. “Gotta negotiate the terms of your deal first.”

Mrs. Carisi is laughing too hard to reply. Sonny ruffles Sebastian’s hair and kisses his head, which is rare but beautiful when Rafael sees the affection.

After his pie, Sebastian does eat his dinner. Rafael is happy to see him eat, but still embarrassed that he refused at first. Cleaning up, he apologizes to Mrs. Carisi.

“I’m sorry that Sebastian caused a scene during dinner, Mrs. Carisi. I really appreciate you opening your home to us for Thanksgiving.”

“Rafael,” Mrs. Carisi stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve told you, call me Deb.”

“Okay,” Rafael says.

That’s it. Nobody brings up Sebastian’s scene again, except when someone needs something negotiated. Then, they call the expert.

 


	13. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Sebastian story today. Sebastian’s just trying to find himself.

Sonny and Rafael sit on the couch and watch as Sebastian opens his bedroom door every few minutes to throw out another piece of baseball equipment or memorabilia. He’s retiring, as the seven year old keeps saying, because he struck out four times the during his game the day before. Sonny keeps trying to tell him he’s in a slump, it happens to athletes sometimes, but Sebastian is hearing none of it.

Since his dads don’t do anything in moderation, Sebastian gathers a decent sized pile of equipment. Three gloves, two bats, two pairs of cleats, half a dozen pairs of pants and knee high socks, hats, balls, and a cup to top it off.

“There,” Sebastian announces, hands on his hips. “I’m finished.”

“Son,” Rafael tries to reason. He’s gotten used to baseball in the years since Sonny arrived.

Last night was Sebastian’s third game in the real league, not t-ball or coach pitch, but with a real live pitcher. Rafael thought he was too young, but he barely hit the age requirement so Sonny insisted he put with the bigger boys. Sebastian hasn’t found his swing yet, but last night was the worst. Which is why he’s finished with baseball.

Rafael continues, “You don’t suck at baseball.”

“I suck at baseball,” Sebastian argues.

“So you’re just going to quit?” Sonny asks.

“Yeah. Why not? Dad quit that diet he was trying.”

Sonny glances at Rafael. “He’s not wrong.”

“Also, I’m retiring. ‘Cause I can still go to the Hall of Fame or something. If they take me. ‘Cause I suck and can’t hit a ball.”

“Okay,” Sonny concedes. “What are you going to do now?”

They have an agreement that Sebastian has to do an extracurricular, but he can pick whatever it is. Last summer he did an art class every Wednesday. He’s had swim lessons and ice skating lessons. They just want Sebastian to stay active.

Sebastian taps his chin in thought. “I have some ideas.”

—-

The next day, Sonny finds himself enrolling Sebastian in dance classes.

Sometimes Sonny has to remind himself that he was raised negatively in some ways. He has to remind himself that he was raised as the big, strong boy! He was raised to play football while his sisters got to dance and sing. He was raised to work outside while his sisters got to play inside. He was raised to be masculine.

So, walking into the dance studio with his little boy in tow, Sonny spends half a second nervous about enrolling his son. But, seeing the look of pure joy and excitement on Sebastian’s face, all negativity is forgotten and Sonny is just happy that his son is so happy.

“Daddy, look, real life ballerinas!”

Sonny knows Sebastian’s interest in dance comes from Rafael. Rafael takes him to shows often enough that Sebastian knows what different types of dance even are. Sonny has no idea what a foxtrot is. Sebastian does.

“Cool, buddy,” Sonny replies, stepping up to the counter where a receptionist is waiting to help.

“Good morning,” the nice lady says, smiling at Sonny and Sebastian. “What can I do for you?”

“I wanna dance!” Sebastian cries.

Sonny ruffles his hair. “Well, there you go. He wants to dance.”

The woman chuckles. “Okay, sure. So, we’re actually to the end out our season, so we can’t let him join until next season, which begins in July. I can absolutely put him on the list to begin in July.”

“How does that sound—“ Sonny looks down at Sebastian, but he is not there. “Seb—“

Sonny looks around the waiting room and spots Sebastian doing ballet exercises with a girl about his age. She’s showing him the proper way to set his feet.

“I’m sure that would be great,” Sonny says.

“Perfect!”

The woman behind the desk hands Sonny a form to fill out, and by the time he’s finished, the little girl Sebastian is with is called in to her class. Disappointed, Sebastian wanders back to Sonny.

“Hey,” the woman behind the desk says. “I have to sit in for the ballet class. Want to join?”

Sebastian lights up again. “Yeah!”

“I’m Zoe, by the way,” the girl says. “I teach a few classes for the little kids, like preschool age. But I’m going to help with these bigger kids today.”

“That sounds like fun,” Sonny answers for Sebastian. “I’ll wait out here. Be very quiet and listen, okay?”

Sebastian eagerly nods.

Sonny sits in the waiting room while Sebastian accompanies Zoe in the studio. When they finally emerge almost an hour later, Sebastian is ecstatic.

“The kids are so good, Dad! I can’t wait to join!”

“Until then, can we go back to baseball?”

Sebastian thinks. “Actually, I have another idea.”

——-

It’s Rafael’s turn next to sign him up for karate. He openly rolls his eyes and thinks it’s ridiculous; fighting is such a toxically masculine activity. Rafael did not want his son turned into a violent little machine.

He promised Sebastian he’d at least take a look at the studio, so Rafael takes him after work.

Waiting to speak to someone, Rafael reads the company’s mission that’s plastered on the wall. It says karate is not about violence, it’s about defense and taking care of yourself. It says students must promise never to use their strength for bad.

“Seb,” Rafael calls him over. “Do you understand what all of this means?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, as if he already knows exactly what the plaque says. “It means I’m not supposed to be mean to people. And I won’t, Dad! And look, when I do something cool, I get a new belt.”

Next to the plaque is a set up of the belts Sebastian can earn, and Rafael knows enough that each color means something different.

Sebastian’s excitement, paired with the mission statement, makes Rafael feel okay about letting Sebastian try this new activity. At least the kids aren’t fighting each other; Rafael won’t have to fear Sebastian getting hurt or hurting someone else.

His turn is called to talk to the receptionist.

“Well Mr. Barba, our spring session is about to end in the coming weeks, but our summer session starts in a little bit less than a month. Would that be alright for the little guy to start?”

Rafael looks down at Sebastian.

Sebastian is frowning. “I can’t start dance or karate! What else?”

Rafael signs up for the waiting list anyway, then they head home.

——

After searching for more activities, Sebastian is disappointed by finding that most activities don’t start for a few months. He practices dancing anyway, practices a few karate moves he’d picked up while Rafael was signing papers, but all in all, he’s upset that he can’t start a new activity.

“Well,” Sonny says a few days after Sebastian’s ‘retirement’ from baseball. “There is one thing you could do before dance starts. You can even continue doing it after karate starts.”

“What?!” Sebastian excitedly asks.

“Go back to the baseball team.”

Sebastian frowns again. “But Dad, I—“

“Don’t say you suck,” Sonny stops him.

Sebastian sits heavily on the couch next to Sonny. “But Dad—“

“Seb, listen. Here’s a little bit of reality I’m going to give you. Ready?”

Sebastian nods.

“When you start dance in a few months, you’re not going to be as good as kids your age. Some have been dancing for years, for as long as they’ve been able to. You know how you’re gonna get better?”

“How?”

“Practicing. Trying. Not giving up when it gets hard.”

“So...”

“So, what I’m saying is, you gotta keep going with baseball if you want to get better. If you want to be able to hit the fastballs, practice.a little more. We can absolutely practice some more.”

“You really think that’ll help?”

“Yes, hello! Everyone practices.”

“Even David Wright?”

“Yes, of course,” Sonny says. David Wright is Sebastian’s favorite Mets player.

Sebastian thinks about it. His little thinking face is adorable. He looks at the pile of baseball equipment that’s still on the floor; Sonny and Rafael didn’t move it to try to inspire Sebastian to go back. So far it hadn’t worked, but he’s looking at it now.

“Okay,” Sebastian says. “I don’t really wanna quit, Daddy. I just want to be better now.”

“You will be, pal. But it doesn’t happen over night. You have to work at it.”

“Can I still dance?”

“Yeah,” Sonny says. “Baseball will be over by the time dance begins.”

Sebastian smiles. “That’s good, then! I really want to dance! But I love baseball, too. Can we go practice now?”

Sonny puts his iPad down. “Actually, your team is practicing in a few minutes. If we leave now, we’ll make it.”

In minutes, when they’re walking out of the house, Rafael arrives home. He sees Sonny and Sebastian slipping on some shoes and packing his baseball bag.

“Where are you going?” Rafael asks.

“Baseball practice!” Sebastian excitedly exclaims.

“Oh?” Rafael asks as Sebastian exits the house.

Sonny stops in front of him for a quick kiss. “My Hall of Famer is back!”

Rafael just laughs.

 


	14. Mommy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slight angsty fic about Sebastian calling Lucia ‘Mommy’.

Rafael ignored it the first time he heard it, mostly because he was sure he misheard. Sebastian was two and said a whole bunch of crazy things; he just stopped calling dogs ‘woof’ and accidentally calling apples ‘oranges’. Rafael used to think it was the bilingual learning that made Sebastian mess up in speech, but then he realized that Sebastian was just two and his brain is a bit odd sometimes.

So, the first few times Sebastian called Lucia “Mommy”, Rafael shook it off and insisted to himself that Sebastian was just getting mixed up again.

But then Sebastian kept doing it. He called Lucia Mommy as more than an accident. He called her that as if it was her name.

“Abuela,” Rafael corrected over and over.

“Papi, he just calls me that because you do. I call you Papi for him, don’t I? Why don’t you call me Abuela?”

Rafael wanted to argue that he had an Abuela, thank you very much, but for the sake of Sebastian, he tried it.

The problem was that Rafael couldn’t get used to it, and Sebastian noticed. And after two months of the argument, Rafael was getting downright mad about it. Sebastian needed to learn. Sebastian didn’t have a mom. She left them. Lucia was not his mom.

Rafael was frustrated with a lot of things, though. Sebastian was two and entirely terrible, and Rafael constantly wondered if it was his fault. He wondered what he was doing wrong. Was he around enough? Was Sebastian taken care of well enough? Was he eating well enough? What was Rafael not doing? Why did Sebastian seem to dislike him so much?

Lucia lived with them. She lived down the hall from Sebastian. Rafael woke up with him, fed him, but he went to Lucia’s bedroom so Rafael could get ready and leave for work. He was with Lucia all day, and often all night. Rafael wasn’t there enough. Rafael found no wonder why the boy called Lucia ‘Mommy’. Lucia was his parent more than Rafael was, no matter how hard he tried. No matter what Rafael did with him on the weekends, Sebastian still...hated him.

“Her Mommy,” Sebastian insisted, pointing at Lucia.

Rafael sighed, as he grew angry again about the fight. “She,” he corrected, “Is my Mami. Your Abuela.”

“Papi,” Lucia tried to stop him. “He doesn’t understand.”

“He does,” Rafael said. “He’s capable. Sebastian, this is your Abuela. My Mami.”

“My Mommy.”

“Sebastian!” Rafael’s voice raised. “She is not your mom!”

“Why?!” Sebastian yelled back. The boy could argue already, of course.

“Because you don’t have a mom!”

Sebastian looked at Rafael like he was insane.

“Sorry son,” Rafael said, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. “You’re just stuck with me.”

“Mommy,” Sebastian said, pointing at Lucia.

Rafael pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t do this again. Sebastian, go to your room.”

He’d never punished Sebastian before, and maybe that was why Sebastian was terrible at times. But Rafael didn’t know how, didn’t know when to punish a two year old. All he knew was he was mad and didn’t want to fight with the baby any more.

“Rafael—“ Lucia tried.

“Just take him, Mom.”

Lucia took Sebastian’s hand and walked him to his bedroom. A few minutes later, while Rafael drank a tall glass of cold water to calm down, Lucia tip-toed into her bedroom and shut the door.

Rafael stood in the kitchen thinking about his actions. He’d yelled at his two year old. At his baby. He raised his voice.

And why?

Because Sebastian didn’t believe Rafael was his parent, his only parent? Because Sebastian was two and didn’t understand? Because Rafael did this to him, put him in this situation? Because Rafael wasn’t around enough?

Rafael couldn’t even blame anything else. He couldn’t blame the stress he was under at work, or that he’d been home for an hour and Sebastian had already had a fit, or that he was starving after having not eaten all day, or that he was incredibly frustrated by the distance he kept between himself and the beautiful new detective. It was all frustrating.

But Rafael had no one to blame for his outburst but himself.

Rafael waited about thirty minutes in pure guilt before he cracked and went to Sebastian’s bedroom. There, he found his sweet baby fast asleep in his bed.

Rafael kneeled next to Sebastian’s bed. He liked to watch Sebastian sleep. It was the quietest Sebastian ever was, and Rafael just stared at him in awe that Sebastian was his tiny human.

Rafael was overcome with thoughts and couldn’t stop words from flowing from his lips.

“I’m sorry,” he began in a low whisper as to not wake Sebastian. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for sending you to your room. I’m sorry for getting so mad at you.

“And I’m sorry, son, that I’m really it. I’m your daddy. I’m your only parent. I’m sorry that I’m not enough. I’m sorry that you seem to hate me most of the time and that I can’t do much of this right. I’m learning with you. And I need to learn to control outbursts and not get so mad at you. Especially when it’s not your fault.

“But I’ll work on it. I’ll try to be better for you. Because...if I’m all you’ve got, I’d better be good enough.”

Sebastian shifted and Rafael feared he’d wake, but he just snorted and remained asleep. Rafael chuckled at the noise and pushed hair off Sebastian’s forehead.

Rafael didn’t hear Lucia enter the room until she spoke.

“He doesn’t hate you, Rafi,” she said, her voice low as well.

Rafael scoffed. “Yeah.”

“Papi, he talks about nothing but you until you get home. He draws a hundred pictures for you. All of his stories are about you. We look through his little story books and I ask, ‘Who is that character?’ and he says, ‘That’s Daddy.’ All the time. Today you fought giants up the beanstalk. Last week you rescued animals in the arc.”

Rafael did chuckle at that, but he sobered quickly. “Maybe he thinks Daddy is someone else, because he sure doesn’t act like he ever wants anything to do with me.”

“Rafi, he’s two.”

“Yeah, but...with you—“

“So what, with me? He spends all day with me. You think he doesn’t have tantrums for me? I had you, I know how to deal with tantrums. You’re still new at this. And you will be as long he is keeps aging and learning. It won’t ever stop being new.”

Rafael thought about that. He didn’t want anyone to cut him slack, but Lucia was right. He was learning. As was Sebastian.

“And,” Lucia continued, “He really is just calling me Mommy because he hears you do it. He would’ve called me Lucia if you had.”

Rafael nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

“How should he even know what a mom is? Television? He thinks every character on TV is Daddy. What does he know?” she joked.

Rafael laughed. “But he’s a genius. He knows everything.”

“He does,” Lucia agreed. “He knows he loves you.”

Just then, Sebastian’s little hand lifted and found Rafael’s arm. He groped around until he found Rafael’s sleeve and grasped it tight in his hand. Rafael didn’t even care about wrinkling a nice work shirt that he was still wearing.

“See?” Lucia asked.

Rafael nodded. He rubbed Sebastian’s hair again. “I love him, too.”

“I know,” Lucia said. She leaned over and kissed the top of Rafael’s head. “Lay with him. I’ll start dinner.”

Rafael listened. He climbed onto Sebastian’s bed, the one that was never slept in because Sebastian slept with Rafael, and settled next to the tiny boy.

“I’ll wake you later,” Lucia said before she slipped out of the room.

Sebastian snuggled deep against Rafael’s chest, and Rafael let himself be used as a pillow. He didn’t have a care in the world that he wasn’t that comfortable, or that the bed probably shouldn’t support his weight. Because he had his son, his baby, in his arms, and he was more in love than he’d ever been in his entire life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My niece is almost three and non-verbal, but she’s learning sign. You have no idea how annoying it is having to answer to the sign for why a hundred times a day. Kids are funny.


	15. Career Day

Sebastian was seven and had the bad habit of not handing over school notes every afternoon. In kindergarten and even first grade, Rafael would check his backpack for notes. But in second grade, Rafael thought he needed that tiny bit of responsibility, so he left Sebastian to it.

This led to missing parent-teacher conferences, nearly missing field trips, and various behavior notes going ignored.

Rafael finally went back to checking Sebastian’s backpack, just because it was a battle he could not win with the boy. Sonny said nothing, even though he disagreed with Rafael’s solution and thought Sebastian should live with the consequences of neglecting his one responsibility. But Sonny was still new, still Sebastian’s “new-Dad”, so he often kept his opinion to himself.

So one night, during dinner, Rafael checked Sebastian’s backpack like he usually did. Sonny silently twirled spaghetti around his fork.

“What’s this?” Rafael asked, pulling out a bright blue note.

“Career Day,” Sebastian answered, mouth full.

Rafael read the note:

“We invite all parents to give a short presentation to the class about their career. Below is a time sign-up, yada, yada...” he looked at Sebastian. “So, you want me to go?”

Rafael had done a presentation two years in a row, when Sebastian was in kindergarten and first grade. All it did was make Rafael appreciate how mature his little boy was.

“Actually...”

Sebastian gave a dramatic pause and avoided eye contact with Rafael.

“Actually, what?” Rafael asked.

Sonny was blessedly out of the conversation until Sebastian said, “I want Sonny to.”

Sonny slowly looked up at Rafael. Rafael was looking at him like he forgot Sonny was there.

Sure, they’d been married nearly a year, together three, but sometimes Sonny was an intruder to the father and son still. He knew he’d never have the connection with Sebastian that Rafael had; Rafael was literally a part of Sebastian. Sometimes the world only belonged to the Barba men.

Rafael lifted an eyebrow.

“You...you don’t want me to talk to your class?”

“It’s just that...” Sebastian said, “Sonny’s a _cop_ , Dad.”

He sounded far more amazed at the word ‘cop’ than he ever had about the word ‘lawyer’.

Sonny tried not to smile. He could tell Rafael was getting past feeling offended at the news.

“Fine,” Rafael said. He pulled a pen out of his pocket to fill out the blue slip. “Sonny, when is a good time to visit with Sebastian’s class?”

Sebastian looked at him hopeful, with giant green eyes pleading Sonny to give a definitive time. As if Sonny would say he can’t or he’s too busy. Sebastian could ask Sonny to quit his job to visit his class every single day and Sonny would probably do it.

“Uhm,” Sonny shrugged. “Two in the afternoon?”

“Great idea! Then maybe you can just bring me home after so I don’t have to wait for Anne!”

“Sure, I can do that.”

Sebastian grew a giant smile on his face. Rafael held back an eye-roll.

Later that night, in bed, Sonny was turned onto his side staring at Rafael.

“It’s okay to be jealous,” Sonny said quietly.

“I’m not,” Rafael said, laying flat on his back with his arms crossed.

Sonny found it amusing. Any time he cracked the barrier further into the family, he loved it. He loved being more involved, and he loved proving to Rafael that he will always be worthy of it.

“I wouldn’t be jealous if I was you,” Sonny told him. “You married the cool cop.”

“He didn’t say you’re cool.”

“The implication was there.”

Rafael rolled his eyes.

“I still think you’re cool,” Sonny said.

Rafael turned his head to look at Sonny. “That’s right. You may catch the bad guys, but I put them away.”

“Technically, I can do both.”

Rafael glared at Sonny for a second, then turned onto his side to face away from Sonny.

Sonny laughed. “Oh, come on, baby!”

“Good night, Sonny.”

Sonny kissed the back of his neck. “I love you, my really cool lawyer-man.”

“Mhm.”

Sonny smiled as he cuddled up to Rafael.

* * *

 

Sonny was so nervous about visiting Sebastian’s class. He loved kids, of course. But this was the first time he was going to be alone with Sebastian around his friends. He was Sebastian’s only parent present, and he just wanted to do everything right.

Sonny wore an NYPD jacket, just as Sebastian had asked him to, and he was ready to show the kids his badge and vest, otherwise known as the “cool stuff minus the gun”, just as Sebastian had asked him to. Sebastian controlled most of what Sonny would talk about, telling Sonny not to mention the boring stuff but instead keep it fun and interesting.

“He never told me what to say,” Rafael had proudly muttered as Sebastian scripted Sonny the morning of the event.

“That’s because he has no clue what you do,” Sonny had said.

Sonny arrived at Sebastian’s school fifteen minutes to two and paced outside his classroom while a classmate’s mom gave a speech about her profession. Sonny was next and freaking out. It shouldn’t be hard to talk to a bunch of second graders about being a cop, but Sonny suddenly felt so much pressure. This was a parent thing. And he was a parent now. And that shouldn’t be much of a shock, he signed a marriage certificate and had the process going to legally adopt Sebastian. But it was the first time he was going to do a parent thing without Rafael. It was Rafael and Sonny, Sonny and Rafael. They were a partnership, a team. And Sonny had taken that team, put an ‘I’ in it, and even teased Rafael about it.

Sonny knew he couldn’t disappoint Sebastian by leaving, so he waited until the door finally swung open and the classmate’s mom stepped out.

“Good luck,” she said with a grand smile. “Hope your job is more interesting for your kid. Actually, I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Charlie’s mom, Dana. You are?”

“I’m, uh...” Sonny paused briefly, wondering if he should introduce himself as Sebastian’s dad. Then, he decided he should, because he was. “I’m Sebastian’s dad, Sonny.”

“Oh, Rafael’s husband! We’ve heard so much about you. Well, good luck!” Dana left with an even bigger smile and Sonny felt proud at her words. Rafael talked about him.

Bolstered by that little exchange, Sonny entered the classroom to Sebastian’s teacher shushing them.

“Okay,” Ms. Flores announced, “Sebastian, would you like to introduce our next guest?”

Sebastian quickly hopped out of his seat and went to the front of the room. He smiled up at Sonny, his little toothless grin, and Sonny calmed once again. It was clear Sebastian had a little speech ready, and Sonny was excited to hear what he had to say.

And then, Sebastian said, “This is my dad, Sonny...” and Sonny didn’t care about any more of the speech; he knew he’d be content for the rest of his life with that short sentence.

“My other dad has come to class two years in a row, that’s why I invited this dad. Remember my other dad is a lawyer, and he puts the bad guys in jail? Well, my Sonny-dad catches those bad guys, ‘cause he’s a cop! And he’s going to tell you all about it.”

Sonny could have cried. He could have picked Sebastian up and covered him with kisses right then and there, but he didn’t. Instead, when Sebastian smiled up at him proudly, he ruffled the blonde hairs fondly.

“Thanks, buddy,” he said, before Sebastian went back to his seat and Sonny went on with his presentation.

In the end, the presentation was a hit. The kids asked a ton of great questions, they had fun, but the most important part was how happy Sebastian looked. Sonny was so proud to be up there for him, so proud of the thought of being Sebastian’s parent in the room. He was so happy.

When Sonny’s time was over, he signed Sebastian out of school a little bit early so they could walk home together. They walked through the park, Sebastian talking a mile a minute about how Sonny’s presentation was obviously the best the class had seen all day, and of course he said yes when Sebastian stopped in front of an ice cream cart and asked sweetly, “Daddy, can I get an ice cream?” Sonny’s heart just about melted.

When they arrived at their building, Rafael was arriving home, too.

“Dad!” Sebastian cried as he ran to meet Rafael before they hit the stoop. “What are you doing home early?!”

Rafael swooped down and picked him up. “I knew you guys would be home from school and I wanted to spend the afternoon with you.”

“Did you have nothing to do ‘cause Daddy wasn’t catching bad guys for you?”

Rafael laughed. “No, but I did finish my work early so I could come home.”

Sebastian led them into the building and to the elevator. Rafael grabbed Sonny’s hand between them as Sebastian ignored them to keep talking.

“How was it?” Rafael asked once they got situated in the elevator.

Sonny, smile still on his face, leaned over and kissed Rafael.

When they parted contently, Rafael asked, “That well, huh?”

Sonny grinned again, leaned forward, and planted another kiss on Rafael’s lips.

“Dad!” Sebastian cried. “Can you stop kissing Daddy for a sec? I’m trying to tell you something.”

“Mmm,” Rafael sighed against Sonny’s lips, then he broke away. “Si, Papito, what is it?”

“Daddy had the coolest job of the whole day, and Tommy Johnson told me his dad’s job was cooler, but he was a bus driver, so I told him that my dads’ jobs are both cooler, especially combined, and...”

As Sebastian trailed on as he stepped off the evelator, Rafael looked at Sonny, and Sonny saw so much love in his eyes that Sonny was sure he’d be content for the rest of his life.


	16. Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst? Did someone order angst? Nah? Well, I’ll just leave it for the table anyway. It’s on the house.

Sonny stayed away as long as he could, as long as coffee shops and bars would house him. Around midnight on a Tuesday evening, he finally stumbled home.

This hadn’t happened in a long, long time. Sonny, so torn up over a case, getting yelled at over it. Only this time, he was yelled at by Rafael. By his husband. And it was their first fight since getting married. It was the first time Sonny avoided home. It was the first time Sonny didn’t say goodnight to Sebastian before he went to bed.

But Sonny was so hurt after he left the precinct, after Rafael had yelled and stormed out of the precinct, that he truly didn’t want to face the man at home. As much as Rafael had promised their work wouldn’t follow them home, sometimes it was hard for Rafael to shut it off. A long time ago, Sonny had gotten used to going home and doing everything he could to take his mind off the day before. But Rafael? A bad day in court means a bad night at home. It means being grumpy with Sonny and Sebastian.

Sonny didn’t want to know what fighting at work would do to their home. Sonny was glad, at least, that he could save Sebastian from the fighting.

So, Sonny finally made it home. He shakily stuck the key in the lock, braced himself, and entered.

Sonny wasn’t greeted. Not warmly, at least.

“Nice of you to finally make it,” was all Rafael said, sitting at the kitchen island, hunched over his laptop with what looks like a fresh glass of scotch at his side.

Sonny sighed. He didn’t take his shoes or coat off.

“Could you get off my back for a second?” he said. “Jesus Christ, I just wanted to come home to freakin’ sleep.”

Rafael finally looked up. “That’s all my home is good for? For you to sleep?”

“Your home? Oh, shit, sorry, thought it was my home, too.”

Rafael glared at Sonny. Sonny did not love the look. It was a distant look, not of love, but of anger and slight resentment.

“Some more of your genius rhetoric.”

Sonny picked up his keys again. A mixture of the fight from earlier, Rafael’s look, and Rafael’s ‘my home’ comment was spurring Sonny along. He moved as if a ghost trapped in his body, watched a bad movie from afar and unable to help the poor, lost character.

“I don’t need this,” he said, reaching for the door.

“Where are you going to go?” Rafael asked.

“Anywhere but here,” Sonny said, opening the door and stepping through.

It was right before he shut it that he heard a shrill, “No!” screamed through the apartment.

Sonny, his heart breaking in his chest, ignored it. Ignored Sebastian’s cry.

He was steps down the hall when the front door of their apartment flew open and a seven-year-old with a mess of blonde hair and Mickey Mouse pajamas ran out of the apartment.

“Daddy, no!” Sebastian cried, tears streaming down his puffy little cheeks. “You can’t go!”

Sonny caught him when Sebastian jumped into his arms. He hauled Sebastian up and squeezed him tight.

“Papi’s sorry, he was waiting for you all night, please don’t leave.”

Sebastian’s tears stained Sonny’s coat, his face buried in Sonny’s shoulder. Sonny wanted to cry with him. The thought of making Sebastian think he was leaving was killing him.

So, Sonny walked the crying boy back into the apartment. He calmly shut the door behind him and locked it.

When Sonny finally turned into the apartment, back into the kitchen where Rafael was, he saw Rafael standing and waiting. This time, instead of anger, Rafael had fear in his eyes.

“Papi, just say sorry,” Sebastian begged.

Rafael licked his lips. “Sonny, I—“

Sonny stepped up to him in a flash. “Rafi, I know, okay? Today was today and I was mad too, but—“

“No,” Rafael stopped him, “No ‘but’. I’m sorry. Please don’t...” he cut himself off. Instead, Rafael clenched Sonny’s coat with both hands. He avoided Sonny’s eyes, instead fixed his gaze on the back of Sebastian’s head.

“Hey,” Sonny whispered, his free hand going to the back of Rafael’s head. He dug his fingers into where Rafael’s salted hair was growing longer, under Sonny’s own advice, and led Rafael closer to himself.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Sonny said, “Never.”

With that, Sonny brought their lips together. It wasn’t the end of the fight, things were said that needed to be discussed, but in that moment, Sonny needed proof that nothing was going to change. Judging by Rafael’s desperate pawing at his coat and lips parting against Sonny’s, he needed it, too.

Sebastian was still sobbing between them. His arms were wrapped around Sonny’s neck as tight as they could be.

“You’re not gettin’ diversed?” he quietly asked.

Sonny couldn’t help but let out a breathy chuckle at Sebastian’s wording.

“God, no, honey, never,” Sonny said.

“Never,” Rafael agreed, pressing up onto his toes to kiss Sebastian’s cheek.

“Then why were you so mad?” Sebastian asked, sniffling back cries.

Sonny looked at Rafael. He didn’t want to tell Sebastian that they were fighting over work and problems that neither of them could solve right away. He didn’t want to admit out loud that they’d broken a vow, letting work get between them.

“It was nothing,” Rafael said. “Nothing that we can’t rationally talk about tomorrow.”

“No more fightin’?” Sebastian asked, lifting his head to look at Rafael.

“No more fighting,” Rafael promised.

Sebastian looked at Sonny for confirmation. “And you’ll stay home?” he asked.

“Baby, I promise, I am never, ever going anywhere.”

Sebastian seemed to accept both of their answers because he rested his head against Sonny’s shoulder again. Rafael, still holding onto Sonny’s coat, helped him remove it without disrupting Sebastian. Sonny then toed off his shoes, took off his suit jacket, and managed to get his tie off, all without Sebastian moving.

Sebastian, just as emotionally exhausted as Sonny felt, and because it was well passed midnight, fell asleep on Sonny’s shoulder in an instant. Sonny gently tiptoed into his bedroom, laid the boy on his bed, then exited the room careful not to wake him.

Sonny muttered a quick excuse into the bathroom, then rushed to get ready for bed before Rafael went back on his word. If anything, Sonny really needed to get a good night’s sleep in his own bed.

When he returned to the bedroom, this time wearing soft pajama pants, Rafael was laying on his side of the bed, his back to Sonny. Sonny quietly went to his side, shut the light off, and climbed into bed.

Rafael’s hand found his arm instantly. Sonny let out a relieved breath and turned to face Rafael.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” Rafael whispered.

“Can we just talk about it—“

“No, not at work. I mean, yes, I’m sorry for that, and we will talk about it. But I’m sorry for saying...” Rafael audibly gulped. “For saying...that this is my home. It’s not, far from it. It is our home.”

“Oh, that?” Sonny said, “I know you were just trying to be an ass.”

Rafael chuckled. “I was.”

Sonny scooted close to Rafael, then slid an arm under Rafael’s head to cradle him close. “But it’ll take a lot more than that to get rid of me.”

Rafael wrapped his arms around Sonny. “I love you.”

Sonny kissed Rafael’s forehead. “I love you, too.”

Rafael kissed Sonny’s chin, his chest, then his lips. “Goodnight,” he whispered against Sonny’s lips.

“Goodnight, baby,” Sonny said, relieved of how the evening turned out and glad to be in his bed with his husband.


End file.
